This is the single most important piece of relationship advice you’ll ever get. Ready? Here it comes: you ain’t special.
I have a friend. We’re completely open and honest about all of our questionable thoughts and actions and have a way of being real with each other without getting judgmental, and also making sure that we stay realistic. Everyone should have a friend like that. I’ll give you an example. A while ago I was being pursued by a guy. I had the sneaking suspicion this guy really wasn’t sh*t, but it was fun going along with it for a minute. Anyway my friend told me to go and have fun, but to make sure that I knew: “You ain’t special.” Let me break down what that means for those of you that are now offended.
Whenever we really like somebody, we have a tendency to view them through rose-colored glasses. They’re great at everything they do, they’re oh, so charming and funny and cute and smart and there’s always an explanation for any non-desirable behavior or traits. This is where the infamous “I can change him/her” phrase comes from.
I don’t think a lot of people actually go out to change whoever they’re with. I do think they like to believe they’re so special that their partner will change for them. Here’s the thing though. You’re not. Can people at some point realize that they may lose you if they don’t change something in their behavior? Sure. Is that something you can and should count on when you start dating? Hell. Naw. You know why? YOU AIN’T SPECIAL.
You gotta fall in love with the person as-is. The way this person is standing in front of you right now, you gotta love ’em as they are. You can’t go into a relationship hoping that they’ll change. Even if it’s something stupid and small. “I hope he’ll give up coffee.” “I hope she’ll stop collecting perfume bottles.” And you can forget about “I’m sure she’ll want kids as she gets older” or “I’m sure he’ll stop picking his mother over me at some point.” Nope, this is the deal, this is what you get. Take it or leave it. Yes please, or not at all.