OK, let’s put this out there once and for all. Being subtle is great for R&B songs, not for dating. This is why I advocate “say what you mean and mean what you say”. Here’s how.
After Tuesday’s post I felt compelled to get some things off my chest, so I’m gonna take you through this thing step by step. I was recently informed that a lot of guys legitimately have no clue on how to talk to a woman without becoming the pervy douchebag from the bar around the corner (you know the type: getting mad if you’re not responsive to him, negging, talking down to you — a real catch).
Step 1 – The Question
You wanna ask somebody out? Do it. DO IT. Go up to them and say “You know what, I’d like to take you out. Like on an actual date.” Just like that. Why? Because I’m tired of receiving texts at 23:30h from my friends with “I’m not sure if I was just on a date or if we’re just friends.” That’s why. Suck it up and ask him/her out. Like a grownup.
“But (s)he only sees me as a friend!” Yeah? Whose fault is that? You wanna be viewed as a contender (yes, that’s what we’re calling them now)? Act like it. Let him/her know you’re a red-blooded (wo)man and you’re attracted to them. Mind you, this does not mean that you can go ahead and sexualize them. Attraction works on an intellectual/personal level as well. Although the physical does help.
Step 2 – The Plan
This is where a lot of people get unnecessarily nervous. They wanna plan something original, yet stay within a budget, but make sure that their date will enjoy it etc. Your best bet is to pick an activity that you’d enjoy if you were with a regular friend or even by yourself. Like seeing art exhibits? That’s a date idea. Prefer ice cream cones in the park? That’s another date idea. Wanna go see a lame movie and try out all the different flavors of popcorn they have? Another date idea. Don’t make things more complicated than they need to be.
Step 3 – The date
So you got him/her to go out with you. Read the vibe. Is it going well? No awkward silences? Mind you, silence can be good every now and then. You’ll know when it’s awkward. Anyway, good vibes all around? Feeling bold? Grab his/her hand halfway through. Or make some kind of physical contact without pushing it. Arms are fine. Hands are fine. Face, abs, thighs, not so much. Save that for the followup date. Which leads us to…
Step 4 – Ending the date
Had a good time? Enjoyed their company? Tell them. Want a followup? Ask them then and there. You can get into the details of that later, but first establish that there will be a followup. Again, being subtle here will only lead to texts as in the first paragraph and nobody wants those. Nobody. Not anybody. Especially not me.
Now, the big question. Do you make a move? Again, read the vibe. If you decide to go for it, try not to immediately make it X-rated, OK? Chances are you’re out in the street and ain’t nobody tryna see that, and also, if you’re serious about this person, going too far too fast will backfire. Anyone who knows me knows I’m not one to tell people what they should or should not do with their bodies, but the thing is: if you rush this part, chances are that that’s all that relationship will ever be. Sad but true. There’s a bunch of psychological research behind this and I’ll look that up for you some other time, promise.
Step 5 – Follow thru
After everybody’s home, send a text you made it home and had a good time and wish them a good night or whatever time of day it is. If you agreed to a followup, do this soon. The next day or so. Do not wait because of a stupid 3-day rule your perpetually single friend told you about. Don’t necessarily do it that same day either unless it sorta flows automatically, but I’m a big fan of letting everybody process the date first. So now that that’s set up, go have fun. Let it flow from there. If you haven’t done so during the first date, make a move. And live happily ever after. Or short and sweet. Whichever works for you.
There. Now you know. Go on and do what you gotta do.