Our guest blogger Lola is back and she’s here to call everybody out on their dating bullshit.
I am a dirty-thirty-year-old and I am surrounded by people who either date, don’t date anymore, don’t know if they’re dating, deny that they’re dating or hate dating (yes, you know who you are, haters). So, I find myself wondering when did such a simple and fun thing turn into something complicated and vague?
Let me point out that I haven’t had much experience with not knowing whether it’s a date or not. When I plan something with somebody on a specific day/time/location, it is always an appointment until the guy makes it a date (beforehand or during — more on that later). As a consequence, I don’t worry about my outfit, I don’t get nervous and I always remain relaxed. Bet y’all can’t say the same, right?!*
So how do you know if you’re on a date or if you’re just hanging out? I would like to start with categorizing three kinds of “appointments”: the platonic / business appointment, the ‘guerrilla date’ and The Date.
Platonic/business appointment (not a date)
The platonic / business appointment is easy: it’s obviously with somebody that you have a two-sided platonic / business relationship with. Your family, your friends, the nice colleague, and the friendly neighbor.
Guerrilla Date
The ‘guerrilla’ date gives the best story for grandchildren. It mostly starts with an appointment during or after which at least one party (surprisingly/finally) turns it into a date. You do what you always do or like to do, only this time (s)he tries to kiss you somewhere during or after the “appointment”. If that happened to you, congratulations, you have not been punk’d, but you were definitely lured into a date. Enjoy! By the way, your friends can be of help with these kinds of situations; they sometimes see it coming way before you have to deal with it.
The Date
And then there is the date. The event that facilitates any kind of excuse to spend time getting to know that special person. In my opinion, whether it is a date starts with yourself. Do you want it to be a date? Act like it and don’t go being the buddy. That being said (or decided), here are some examples that indicate that it is, indeed, a date:
- When it’s dinner and/or drinks with someone you just met
- The line “I know we’re friends, but let’s really go out on a date.”
- If the familiar face acts nervous or suspiciously different than usually while asking
- If you’re going to an intimate romantic place
- When the contact / setting is getting to know each other and somewhat (past) relationship related
- If you just kissed. Mind you, I am deliberately not mentioning sex here, that is a completely other story (to be continued)
- During the week, somewhere after office hours but well before booty call time. In the weekend, between noon and well before booty call time.
And if you’re still doubting, you can either find the courage to just ask if it’s a date or you can roll with it. Either way, be it a date or an appointment, the main goal is to have fun. So let go of whatever is holding back the fun-factor and enjoy.
XOXO, Lola
*PS. If you do worry about your outfit and you do get nervous, it’s a good thing! Just fake being relaxed until you actually are, the right date will calm you down eventually. All those emotions are for a good reason, I’ll tell you why some other time…