The Dangers of Dormant Racism

Now this one is a topic that always offends some people. Dating preferences. You can have a preference for somebody that likes Star Wars. Or somebody who enjoys Eddie Murphy movies. You cannot have a “preference” for a specific race.

I hesitated posting this article for a very long time, but truth is: it bothers me. There’s a number of reasons why.

Contrary to popular belief, preferences for people of a certain race or skintone purely for aesthetic purposes is rooted in either fetishism or self-hatred. It is about racism. Can you have a preference for someone who has a similar experience to yours? Yes, but that automatically makes it not for an aesthetic reason. Let me break it down for you. People who claim to have a preference for a certain race (or do not want to date people of a certain race) base this on features they deem (un)attractive. However, even within one race there’s as many varieties of features and skintones as there are languages, cultures, etc. So categorizing a whole race of people as unattractive is just dumb and claiming you’re not physically attracted to a whole race of people makes you sound stupid. And bigoted.

It works the same way by saying that you only like one particular race. Ask yourself: why do I like people of this particular race? Does it have anything to do with sexual stereotypes? Physical features? Were you taught that one race is better looking than another? What is it? Chances are you’re being problematic.

Directly related to the above point and definitely worth mentioning: having “cute mixed babies” is not a reason. It’s gross. Also, saying “mixed” while meaning “mixed with white” pretty much ignores a really big part of the global population. Why are you so obsessed with having kids that you would deem attractive anyway? And notice how 9/10 times these people are only talking about little girls? OK then. Gross.

And now a special part for those well meaning individuals claiming to not see color. I appreciate what you’re trying to say, really, I do. But you’re part of the problem. Here’s why. As much as you want to pretend the color of someone’s skin doesn’t matter, the truth is it does. There is still racism everywhere in the world. Some places worse than others, yes. But it’s still there. You saying you don’t see color is basically you saying you’re closing your eyes to the very real issues that a lot of people face. So do us all a favor: stop it.

Are you unsure of whether or not your dating habits are rooted in dormant racism? The only way to find out is by asking yourself questions. If you find yourself constantly attracted to the same physical features you believe can only be found in one race, ask yourself why. If you think you could never be attracted to someone of a certain race, ask yourself why. If you’re tired of talking about racism and keep saying that you don’t want to see color, ask yourself if you’re being fair. Look yourself in the eye and ask yourself the hard questions.