Betty Wright had the right idea when she sang “In the middle of the game, don’t change the play”. As a basketball coach I have to disagree, but when it comes to issues of the heart this is absolutely true. I’ll tell you what happens if you do.
My best friend was once in a situation where she was in a relationship for a couple of years. So at one point they moved in together. They had thoroughly discussed how they would handle things, especially since she still had to complete her degree so she was still in university. They were fully confident that things would work out, even though they know the first year or so would be a struggle.
A couple of months into their new living arrangement, I saw my friend change. Not just in how tired she always seemed, but also in things she would say. For example, I knew she has always wanted to have children at some point in her life. But since living with this guy, she suddenly said she didn’t want kids anymore.
One day she finally cracked and told me why: he had drastically changed his behavior towards her. He was claiming every minute of time she had (or even the minutes she didn’t have because she should be studying) and got angry if she would spend time on other things or worse: with other people. On top of that he expected her to fulfil all the chores and tasks of a ’50s housewife, despite their agreement that he would take more of the household chores on so she could focus on graduating. Needless to say, it didn’t last.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that you aren’t allowed to grow as a person. Heck, you’re supposed to. But you can’t up and change your expectations of someone this drastically. Just like you yourself should never get too lazy to make your S.O. feel special, as some of the examples in Betty Wright’s song. You know what they call that if you don’t? Taking someone for granted. It’s not a cool thing to do or experience.
So the lesson here is, boys and girls, that you can’t up and change your behavior and expectations. Can they change and be adjusted over time? Sure. Can you suddenly do a 180 on everything you agreed on with your S.O.? Yes, but then don’t expect them to lay down and take it.