What’s your endgame?

“Begin with the end in mind.” One of the top philosophies at work. And I like to apply it to all other aspects of my life as well. I try to ask myself at every turn: “what’s your endgame?” And for good reason.

It’s so easy to get caught up in people’s messes and completely lose sight of why you started something. This goes both for professional as well as personal relationships. Let me tell you about this recent encounter I had at a work situation.

The foundation of the problems between this particular committee and myself started a long time ago. Differences in how I should run my team, basically. Anyway, this past week it all kind of came to a boiling point and I realized: we should have the same goals, which is to get this team to finish their project the best way possible. And in that same vein I entered our last meeting. Of course it all boiled down to miscommunication. Here’s what happens in a situation like that.

If there’s friction from the jump, whether personally or professionally, pretty soon any- and everything you do or say will come off as hostile, and will elicit a defensive reaction and set more bad blood, whether there’s genuine reason to or not. So that’s exactly what happened in my situation. But after I took a beat to reconsider my own endgame as well as asking them about theirs, and finding a way to work towards that endgame together, things have been relatively good. Although we’ll never be besties.

Now sometimes a similar situation can require you swallowing your pride a little bit. Just a lil’ bit. And in some cases it’s OK to not want to do that, as long as you’re willing to live with the consequences. For me, seeing my team accomplish what they set out to do was more important than being right.

You can pretty much apply this in any other type of relationship, too. Next time you’re arguing with your mom about the way you’re spending your money, or even if in a brand new situation like when you first meet somebody. Ask yourself: what do I want to accomplish here and how should I go about that? What would their endgame be? Start with end in mind and all that good stuff.

Has this approach ever worked for you? Or do you have different ways? Let me know in the comments!