There’s an old piece of advice that I come across every now and then. The phrasing sometimes differs, but it comes down to this: never let anyone know about your love life, your income or your next move.
I’ve never been a very secretive person, but I have gotten more careful about who I tell what. Just because I don’t see the harm in something, doesn’t mean that other people will not try to use this information against me at some point in time. Or even just bring it up at the most inappropriate times. For the sake of the length of this post, I’ll just stick to the three topics in the above advice.
First, the part about your love life. I truly believe that if all of us listened to our girlfriends for relationship advice, we’d all be single forever. They mean well or whatever but there’s not really a One Size Fits All solution to dating, is there? And here’s the thing. You tell them about a crush (or contender, as some in my inner circle like to call them) and chances are you’re going to keep hearing about it and be asked about it until the end of time (or you meet someone else). And who says you want to be reminded of it all the time? Maybe you’re trying to get over it. Maybe you need time to process your own feelings. Maybe you just don’t want advice from your perpetually single friend(s). “But sometimes it helps to talk about it.” Yes. True. Write it in a journal. That way you can vent yet omit the unintentionally harmful advice.
The money part. Now first off, there are some situations in which disclosing to someone what your paycheck is can pay off. Example: your employer has been dramatically underpaying you and you never would have known if it hadn’t been for your friend giving you a point of reference. However, most people outside of that context will respond in one of two ways. They’re either gonna (subtly) make you pay for shit. All the shit. Or they’re gonna quietly resent you for it. See, deep down, to a lot of people everything’s a competition. And your friends can be happy for you, absolutely. 90%. The remaining 10% will lowkey feel like you don’t deserve it. Or they’ll feel like you’re throwing it in their face and resent you for that.
Finally, your next move. There are some that say that if you say you’re going to do something out loud, something in your brain sorta considers it already done. Seems demotivating to me. But I also don’t know if it’s true. Plus it can kinda submit you to the same situations as the money thing. Some people are afraid that watching you do well will diminish their own shine.
So at the end of the day, consider whether it’s really in anyone’s best interest to tell them. And buy a journal.