Stop looking for closure

Disclaimer: this week’s blogpost is going to be a little harsh. Because sometimes you need a little tough love. It comes from a good place though.

How many times have you sat there, comforting your friend, while (s)he went on and on about still having so many questions for their ex, so many things they still want to say? Lots, right? And how often of those times have you internally rolled your eyes at their comments?

Let’s first break down what closure means. Wanting closure or having a need for closure means that you have a burning unanswered question, or that you want to put all ambiguity to an end. For the sake of the length of this post, let’s stick to post-breakup closure.

Relationships end for a variety of reasons, and no two breakups are the same. People’s need for closure, however, generally is. Usually the dumpee is left with questions about why it didn’t work out, what went wrong, is what the dumper told you the truth and if not, what is the truth?

I’ll tell you right now what the truth is: no matter how deeply you feel like you have unresolved questions, answers to be received, thoughts and feelings to be shared… It doesn’t matter. You can’t solve this. You won’t get closure from it. From them. Every answer you could possibly get from your now-ex is only going to raise more questions.

Their reasoning will never be enough to justify a breakup to you if you weren’t ready for it. Not ever. And here’s what you should learn to realize about this: not everything has a reason. Sometimes shitty things just happen for no apparent reason at all. It sucks and you end up having to deal with it.

There is good news though. Because all of this doesn’t mean that you can’t close a chapter in your life or that you’re going to be stuck feeling like this about your past relationship. Here’s why: closure is not something that somebody else can provide you with. It’s something that comes to you at a certain point, once you’ve been able to make peace with the situation and redefine yourself and your attitude towards the new situation.

It may be hard to believe at first, but sooner or later you’ll reach closure all on your own. And you’ll get out of your funk and fall head over heels in love with yourself and your life. Give it a little time and remember to be nice to yourself.