OK, so here’s the thing. We’ve discussed why so many women seem to go for the bad guys rather than the nice, decent ones. Sometimes we fall for the wrong guy for other reasons though. I’ve seen it happen a lot. It has happened to me. Sometimes, you fall for a guy’s potential rather than seeing who they really are.
Remember how we talked about you not being special? Yeah, so this is what happens to you if you think you are. You imagine yourself being his guiding light, his motivation, his muse, the reason he’ll finally come to his senses and act right. You’re not. He won’t.
It’s tempting, isn’t it? Sometimes you come across somebody, get in your feelings, and you can actually see real potential in them. By that I don’t necessarily mean relationship-material or anything, but you could very well think “If only they’d get this and that right, their business would take off.” / “If only he learned how to study, he could totally get that degree.” / “If only he’d have a bit more confidence, he could apply for that management position.” Some will say that it’s admirable that you want to help them. And to a certain extent it is. But, as cliché as it sounds, you can’t help somebody that doesn’t want to be helped. Or at least doesn’t want to be helped by you. That’s not sacrifice and being supportive. You know what that is? A savior complex. Yes, you. You have that. Sounds good? It really isn’t.
Messiah complex / Savior complex: A psychological construct which makes a person feel the need to save other people. This person has a strong tendency to seek people who desperately need help and to assist them, often sacrificing their own needs for these people.
Where does this complex come from? It varies. There seems to be a consensus though that people who show this kind of behavior are hoping that “saving” someone else will earn them their love and trust. Idk.
Anyway, back to the main topic. I’m guessing by now you’ll wanna know how to separate someone with potential from someone who’ll actually fulfil their potential, no? There’s a kinda black-and-white approach I like to take here.
See, if a guy doesn’t have his shit together yet, but has a plan to get there, I’m with it. Does he just have ideas? Then no. What’s the difference between a plan and an idea? Actionable steps. Schedules, deadlines, appointments. And he’s relying on himself and his own resourcefulness to make it happen, too. That’s something I can work with. Is he capable of doing these things, but he hasn’t? (Or she, for that matter.) That’s a perfectly valid reason to walk.