One of the questions that often come up is how long should you be single between relationships for it to be healthy? There are some rules of thumb. Which are usually stupid.
Some say that it takes half the time you were in a relationship to get over it. So if you were in a relationship for 4 years, it’ll take you 2 years to get over it and move on. I dunno about you, but that seems stupid to me.
So I asked around. Because of course I did. Some responses:
- “Once you fall in love with yourself again.”
- “I suppose it depends on how the relationship ended and if you are a career hopper.”
- “I like to adhere to 6 months. Not necessarily as a rule but more along the lines of it happens naturally.”
- “I don’t know. Sometimes it’s a rebound. Sometimes the rebound sticks.”
- “Always take some time for yourself. How long that should be is up to you though.”
- “As soon as you’re no longer sprung over your ex and no longer looking for a replacement for them.”
- “Whenever you’re ready. Which should be about two months.”
My thoughts? Of course it’s different for everybody, and you’ll probably know once you’re ready to hop back into the proverbial saddle (or literal, if you’re into that. No judgment). But some good points were made by my panel. Here are the things I feel you should pay attention to.
- It does very much matter how your previous relationship ended and what kind of baggage or damage you’re stuck with from that. Sometimes you’re already aware of it, sometimes you only realize this stuff once you get back into the dating scene. Whatever the case, deal with it before you hit point 5.
- Take your time alone to define yourself outside of a relationship, especially if you’ve been with somebody for years. Find out your likes, dislikes, build your career, find a new hobby, start a side hustle. Enrich your own life. Fall in love with yourself first.
- DO NOT listen to your friends about how long it should take for you to get over it. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: if we all listened to our girlfriends, we’d be single forever. Sure, they mean well. But only you know what you feel.
- Date for the hell of it. Not right away, but whenever you feel like you can handle it. Just to make sure you don’t completely lose all sense of human interaction so that by the time you meet somebody you’ll wanna go the distance with, you actually remember how to talk to another person.
- The MOST important thing is that you should NOT be out looking for a relationship. Ever. You should not be out there wanting a relationship, until you meet somebody that changes your mind. That’s really it. That’s my golden rule.
