Let me, for the first time, start off with a warning. If you’re reading this at work, stop. Bookmark it. Read it on the train when you’re heading home. We’re about to get into some of the NSFW little lies and half-truths we tell the guys in our lives. And our beds.
So I did a quick little round among my female friends to see what other things we say/do that really aren’t 100% honest about what goes on behind closed doors. Or somewhere else, if you’re into that. No judgment. Here are some of the most common responses with the most common explanations. Please be aware: if you’re a (straight) guy reading this, you might get your feelings hurt. And maybe some reassurances and warnings here and there, too.
“Size doesn’t matter.” I hate to be the one to break it to you, but it does. Whoever told you it doesn’t was trying to spare your feelings. It’s not the only thing that matters, but it definitely plays a big part. Yes, I see what I did there.
“It happens to everyone.” It doesn’t happen to everyone and I will draw my own conclusions based on this, fully realizing that it may not be fair to you. While I don’t want to hurt your feelings so I’ll try not to let it show, please know that I’m internally rolling my eyes so hard I’m seeing stars. And depending on the situation, I might even take it personally.
About faking it. I’m a strong advocate against this. Generally speaking in life I’m not a fan of giving credit without it being earned. On top of that, if he thinks he did a good job now, you’re gonna get the same weak game next time around. Plus I’m a horrible actress so yeah. If you know your stroke game is weak, better start flexing your fingers and practice holding your breath (not *literally* holding your breath. Passing out will only make things worse). Sorry not sorry.
On that note. We’ve seen a whole wave of articles and podcasts and videos and celebrity commentary on a woman’s right to cross the finish line. Here’s the thing. That won’t always happen. And you know what, fellas? Sometimes that’s completely not your fault. Sometimes. There are sooooo many physiological factors that come into play. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be good or fun or both.
Ain’t nobody interested in your d*ck pics. Unless specifically requested, do not send these. Ever. Please. It’s the quickest way to either get blocked or reported, depending on which platform you decide to make use of. Just so you know, sending unsolicited dickpics is the 21st century equivalent of flashing people in the local park. Also, and this is somewhat subjective, but there’s nothing aesthetically pleasing about it. It’s purely functional. Oh yeah and a PSA: if a woman asks you for a pic and says you should put your creditcard next to it for reference, she’s just interested in your creditcard info, boo.
