“So what’s your body count?” Something about this question makes me want to run for the door.
I asked a bunch of people where they stand on the subject. Would they ask a potential partner about their body count? Would they answer (honestly) if they were asked? Would the answer make a difference in how they viewed the other person? Why would you even want to know?
Would you ask / answer?
- “I would never ask. If asked about it and it’s a big deal to them, I’d answer, though.”
- “I’d answer honestly. I’ve asked it as well. It kind of came up in the conversation.”
- “It’s none of my business. If I’m with a person, in that moment, the past or present really doesn’t matter. The past will come up at a different time if still relevant and the future’s not here yet anyway.”
Personally, I wouldn’t ask nor answer. The important things (likes, dislikes etc.) will come up sooner or later. These really are the only important things your current situation needs to know about your history. I’ve been asked about it, of course. I usually respond with “Why do you want to know? Will it affect your opinion of me?” This is usually enough for them to drop the subject. If they don’t, I drop them. Sorry not sorry. We’ll come back to the “why” of it all in a minute, keep reading.
Does it matter?
- “A high number can be intimidating.”
- “Who gives a f*ck how many people you’ve f*cked?”
- “As long as you’re healthy and happy about it, do you. Or them.”
- “Don’t see why it’d be an issue.”
- “You don’t want to be just another number but you also don’t want to feel like you have to be prepared to marry this girl.”
You see that? That last comment right there? This, friends, is what is known as the double standard that a lot of people (particulary women) face. A “high” body count would somehow indicate that we are able to separate sex from emotion and that’s a bad thing. A “low” body count would mean the opposite — we can’t have sex without strong emotions, which is also not good. Basically, damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
The conclusion that I drew after hearing all these stories is this: people ask about body count for one of two reasons. They’re either insecure or they’re looking to pass judgment on you on your sexual history. Honestly, I don’t see why you’d wanna deal with either. The same goes for you. If you feel the need to ask your (potential) SO about it, ask yourself why this is important for you to know. My philosophy? I’m gonna go with the happy and healthy option: have fun, be safe about it and make sure you don’t hurt anyone (including yourself) in the process.