The Friendzone Myth

I have to get something off my mind. I am so very sick and tired of people claiming they’ve been “friendzoned”, men and women alike. Although men claim it more often. “The friendzone” is a complete fabrication, and I’ll tell you why.

Let’s start by clearly defining what is meant by “the friendzone”. The friendzone is something that is most commonly used in situations where a guy and a girl are friends, and the guy wants more than friendship. The girl does not reciprocate, causing the guy to be angry and bitter and claims to have been put “in the friendzone”. Urban Dictionary defines it as follows:

What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, “You’re such a good friend”. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another.

So this does NOT include people who are fine being friends instead. It also doesn’t include friends with benefits, or your backup plan (that’s a topic that deserves its own post). It does include those that say they’re fine with being friends, but secretly carry some resentment/judgment that their “friend” didn’t choose them.

First of all, let’s start with the most common complaint: “But I’m a nice guy..!” Anytime a guy says this, I assume he’s not. It’s like being powerful or being a lady: if you have to state that you are, you’re not. Apart from that, if the only reason you’re being nice is because you want nookie, you’re not a nice person. A woman is not a machine to throw kindness coins in and sex falls out.

Even if you truly are a nice guy, there’s still a very viable possibility that she’s just not into you. Maybe you have great conversations. Maybe you know how to make each other laugh. Maybe she’s this comfortable around you because she thinks you’re her friend without an ulterior motive. Just because you’re nice to her, does not mean she owes you her time / love / sex.

Now I know some of you are thinking about that one girl friend you have that always comes to you once she’s been through some shitty situation with her boyfriend / significant other to boohoo on your shoulder. How you always drop any- and everything you’re doing if she needs you. I can understand this is confusing for you, but read this next part very, very carefully. If she had wanted more from you, she would have made it clear. If you’re uncomfortable with “just” being the shoulder to cry on, you are free to stop. You have this gash in your face called a mouth. Out comes sound. Mimic the sounds to say: “I understand you could use a friend with what you’re going through, but maybe you should find a different friend. I am not comfortable with this.” Life is pretty simple when you want it to be.