Forgiveness is supposed to be a virtue. One of the best things you can do. I do believe it is, but not because it makes you such a nice, warm, kind-hearted person. No, no, no. Forgiveness is a good thing because it’s in your own best interest. Allow me to explain.
Let’s first look at how the internet defines forgiveness.
“Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.”
See, I don’t necessarily agree with all of that. I don’t think you need to change your attitude or feelings regarding an offense. If someone has wronged you, especially if it was intentionally, there’s absolutely no reason to be OK with it.
Look, shitty things happen. And it’s perfectly OK to be sad and/or angry about it for a while. But at some point you gotta let that hurt and/or anger go. And you don’t do that for the other person, but for yourself. To throw around an old cliché: what’s done is done, the past is in the past and you can’t change that. What you can change (or rather: influence) is the future.
Let me be perfectly clear. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you’re OK with what they did. It doesn’t mean you have to let them back into your life. What it means is that you can decide that whatever happened will no longer have a hold on you. Besides, if you’re walking around with a grudge, do you think the person you’re holding the grudge against feels that and is bothered by it? Let me answer that for you: no, they’re not. They’re happily going about their lives while you’re still sad and angry. So go ahead and forgive. Just make sure you never forget.
YAAAAAS. Forgive and never forget.