Expectations Management

My friends recently staged an intervention. On me. Apparently, I’m no good at managing expectations in my dating life.

For those of you that haven’t been reading along for very long: I became single again a couple of months ago, after ending a longterm relationship. So in recent weeks I’ve carefully started dating, but being (as far as I know) very clear about just wanting to test the waters and having zero interest in anything that requires any form of commitment. Tryna look out for number one, you know? Anyway, they claim I’m unclear by meeting up with anybody more than once.

This got me thinking and asking around about how other people have experienced this and what I do to manage my own expectations.

For example, some of my friends have been in the situation that they had a friend with benefits, so to speak. Even if they weren’t really friends. They all had a very clear understanding of what it was, they discussed their expectations and agreed on them. No feelings, no lovey-dovey stuff. Until, like in every corny Hollywood movie, one of them fell in love. So what happens then? In my humble opinion there’s only one option. If one of y’all catches feelings, clearly the situation changes, nullifying the agreement. It’s going to be up to the not-in-love person to fix it. By that I mean end it. Unfair, isn’t it? But that’s what it is.

When it comes to dating it’s all fairly black and white to me. If somebody (that you want to be with) wanted to be with you, they would be. If they’re not, for whatever reason, that means they don’t want to be. Make no mistake, indecision is a choice. I know, I know. “But what if they’re sending me mixed signals?” I don’t think there’s such a thing. Maybe they’re still figuring out what they want. And that’s OK. Maybe they’re not for you. Nobody is irreplaceable.