2020 was an absolute shitshow, but we have good hopes for the new year. However, so as not to test 2021 as much, we will be making no “Come at me 2021” posts and will keep our New Year’s resolutions as easily attainable as is humanly possible. This should also help you in not throwing all your good intentions out halfway through January along with your dying Christmas tree.
So, for your reading pleasure: a list of new year’s resolutions that even you can keep. These resolutions are simple, easy to implement and cheap if not free.
1. Pee after sex
Every time. Get out of bed (or whatever other surface you’re on) and go pee. Honestly, there’s no easier way to avoid UTIs. Would you rather take a trip to the bathroom or to the doctor? Eeeeexactly.
2. Do not text your ex
Don’t do it. Delete the number already. Or replace your ex’s name by your best friend’s name so you text them instead. Life’s too short to keep making the same mistakes over and over again. And on behalf of your friends: we tired of hearing about it.
3. Floss
We all pretend we do it when the dentist asks. But you know you’re lying. They know you’re lying. We all know you’re lying. We’re lying too. So here’s what you do. Go out and buy dental floss. Or better yet: unpack the one you’ve had in your medicine cabinet since your last dentist appointment. Put the dental floss packet thingy NEXT TO your toothbrush and toothpaste. You’ll notice that a lot of it has to do with remembering to floss and minimizing the number of steps you have to take to do it.
4. Set screentime limits on your phone
Most phones do this now. You can limit your screentime per day to help you spend less time numbingly scrolling through your Instagram feed.
5. Clean up your Instagram
Speaking of which: unfollow each and every account that makes you feel sad, lazy, or otherwise bad. Life’s too short for your insta feed to give you an inferiority complex. Do this every 2/3 months or so. Don’t wanna unfollow your superdramatic “friend” for fear of the drama they’ll cause? Mute them. Just as effective.
6. Throw out all your socks
You heard me. Take all your mismatched, unstretchy socks and throw them out. Then take yourself to the nearest drugstore and buy yourself 2 or 3 multipacks of the exact same socks. You will never spend another minute of your life sorting socks after doing laundry. You’re welcome.
7. Eat before you go grocery shopping
For the love of your wallet and your waistline, do not go grocery shopping on an empty stomach. Personally I’m a big fan of online grocery shopping. You’re just less liable to do any impulse purchases, since you actively have to type in what you’re buying.
8. Bring your own protection
I don’t care who you are, what you think the gender roles should be. If you’re out here getting it, you should always have your own protection. I can’t believe some of y’all still need to be told tbh.
9. Eat a damn vegetable
Look, I’m very bad at vegetables. I get it. But with vegetarianism and veganism making the moves it has been making, it’s easier than ever to google ways to prepare vegetables that make them taste halfway decent. Take a lil’ better care of yourself, OK?
10. Drink water
In that same vein: get yourself a reusable bottle of water of at least 0.5L and fill it up with water. Especially while working from home, keep it on your desk/dinner table/whatever else you’re using as a workspace. Fill it up every time you empty it out. Do that 4x and boom, you’ve reached your 8 glasses a day minimum. What works well for me is to keep this bottle next to the bed so it’s also the first thing you do in the morning.
Well, there you have it. Feel free to add your own or take it what you don’t need. Print them out. Hang them on your fridge. And happy new year.
