After last week’s blogpost (if you haven’t read it, check it out here) I got into a discussion with someone about the last paragraph pertaining to expectations. This lead to the question: what defines a relationship?
I posed this question to my usual band of suspects (my panel, I like to call them), and I got the following answers:
- “When you start looking and planning for your future together, that’s the moment you know you’re in a relationship.”
- “You’re each other’s ride or die, a BFF with benefits, including monogamy.”
- “The moment you know you can build a future with that person, based on their hopes and dreams matching yours as well as your values that should be defined by then.”
- “Love, lust and misery.”
Most people didn’t really have a clear answer on what defines a relationship. What they did mostly agree on was that it should just flow naturally, and usually happens sometime after the “What are we?”-talk. However, what actually changed right after that talk compared to how they were before, other than the title? Nobody knew.
Then there were a few people who think that it all flows SO naturally, that it’s not even necessary to have “the talk”. I get that, but I do think it’s risky.
Let me give you my two cents. For me a relationship has always been defined by exclusivity: you choose each other, closing off all other options. Now, if you were exclusive before the title, that’s cool, but you had the choice. You can choose not to.
After giving it some time, however, I also have to agree on the future part, especially at this stage in my life (late 20s). This is of course somewhat personal, but it’s difficult to build a lasting relationship if you know that one person wants to for example leave the country within two years and the other one would never want to leave.
So after you’ve established these things (wanting to be exclusive and wanting more for a possible future), I actually would recommend a talk. Sure, it’s awkward, but it’s all about expectations management. As I’ve established before, mindreading is not a thing. Be clear in what you want. So yeah.
I’m curious to know what defines a relationship to you? When does dating go into a real relationship? Let me know in the comments!