Y’know, people like to kinda shit on millennials and their dating habits. They tell us we’re spoiled, we’re looking for instant gratification, are unwilling to work for something etc. Is there any truth to that? Possibly. But I think there’s something else that runs a little deeper.
Sure, we’re a generation that wants what we want when we want. We’ve been over that before. But consider this. Our parents, also referred to as Generation X, had very different lives compared to us. Generally speaking, by the time they hit 30 they were married and probably already had a kid or two. Now stop and think how old you are. Eeeeexactly. Can’t imagine having a life like that right now, can you? And that’s cool. Let’s break it down.
First of all, we’re going to be making some assumptions here. I grew up in the Netherlands so that’s my frame of reference (mostly). For my parents and their generation, university was a given. Then marriage, kids, mortgage. That’s what you were supposed to do. And it was perfectly doable, too. Higher education was for all who could handle it academically, reasonable interest rates, mortgages with favorable tax exemptions, the works.
But things changed, as they tend to do. They didn’t necessarily get worse or anything, but it’s…different now. Honestly, I don’t know anybody that could buy a decent size house or apartment on a single income. The cost of higher education keeps rising every year. We no longer graduate at 22 and then marry by 24 to have babies by 26. We graduate, travel, climb the corporate ladder or start our own businesses. Find a job we love (and allows us to pay off student loans). We don’t wanna just pay taxes and die. Then by the time 30 rolls around those of us fighting biology might look up and start thinking on the family bit.
The results of all of this are twofold. We’re only gonna be dealing with the first aspect today, the other part will be handled in next week’s blogpost.
So, as a consequence of the way life is currently structured, we got a LOT more baggage. Think about it. Our parents had their “forever person” (I hate that term, but it’ll have to do for now) all picked out, got married, had a bunch of babies, and then stayed together because that’s what you were supposed to do. What do we do? We explore our options. We date. Get into relationships. Get our hearts broken. Heal, get into new relationships. Get our hearts broken all over again. Resort to Tinder. Go through some awful dating experiences (but end up with good stories). Try the relationship thing again.
So yeah, we end up with baggage. A lot of it. Baggage can take a lot of different forms and we all deal with it differently. Some of aren’t over an ex, some of us got cheated on in a past relationship, some of us have baggage going back to our childhoods. Some of us have all of the above. Now there are a bunch of articles out there telling you that you either should or shouldn’t date a person with baggage. Imma let you in on a secret though: everybody’s got baggage. The trick is learning to understand that baggage in your SO, learning how to deal with it, and most importantly: drawing the line on how much you’re willing to deal with.
An example? I’ve never made it a secret that I, like many others unfortunately, got cheated on. As if that wasn’t shitty enough, I recently found out that I’m a lot more jaded by that than I’m willing to admit. Which is totally unfair. First you gotta deal with being betrayed AND you gotta deal with the emotional aftermath? Ugh. But, you know, at least now I’m aware of it and can try to not let it seep into any future romantic endeavors. And really, that’s the only thing you can do (independently). Try to be aware of what’s causing you to be so closed off or defensive or whatever, then work on that. And don’t let old folks who don’t understand today’s world tell you shit about your dating life.
