Did you know there’s a deadline to when you should have your shit together? Now that I’m 30 for some reason people seem to have expected me to magically turn into a full blown adult. Apparently I passed some invisible border into adulthood and didn’t meet the requirements yet.
So what does it mean to have your shit together? I tried to find definitions and you know what? There are no straight answers to this questions *gasp*. So instead, I’m going to break it down into segments of your life where I see most of my friends and colleagues feel like they should be doing better.
Health
Health can be split up in mental and physical health. Let’s start with physical. Are you eating responsibly? Are you getting any exercise? Is your home reasonably presentable? Do you know your limits when it comes to drugs and alcohol? Do you have your GP’s number saved in your phone? Do you actually schedule appointments? Do you go to the dentist regularly? You know, all the basic stuff your mom used to do for you.
As for your mental health: are you making choices that are good for you? Do you have any conflicts or issues that you need professional help with and are you seeking that help? Do you know how to set boundaries at work? With friends? With family? Are you leading your life or is your life leading you?
If answering all these questions left you with a good feeling, you probably have your shit together on this level. If they gave you anxiety and your stress levels shot up, you may have some work to do.
Finance
So this is one that may be hard to hear. I know it was for me. How do you know if you have your shit together financially? This is one of the few ones where age really does matter. First, let’s start with some of the basics:
- Do you have any outstanding debts? Think creditcard, student loans etc. Do you have a plan in place to pay these off? Have you checked your interest rates? Checked if you can transfer it to a provider with more favorable rates?
- Do you have a clear understanding of your financial responsibilities? Rent/mortgage, insurances, montly bills etc. So I mean actual responsibilities, not stuff that you let other people talk you into. If your friend is planning a wedding in the Bahamas and expects you to be maid of honor and go with her to review venues, travel back and forth, fork over a couple of hundred bucks for a dress and foot the bill for the bachelorette, you need to reevaluate how you define financial responsibilities. But I digress.
- Do you have any savings? How much should you have? If you google this question, you will start to feel really bad about yourself really quickly. There’s one definition I found that I like, because it’s practical: you should be able to support yourself for 6 months if you were to lose your job tomorrow. So that’s 6x whatever you spend each month on all the things you need to keep a roof over your head, food in your mouth and to cover all your necessities. This would be separate from whatever you’re saving up for your retirement though!
Career
You should probably have a good idea of what you want to do and what you don’t want to do by 30-ish. So many of us spend our twenties in jobs that we really don’t want to be in, if we can find a decent job at all. Because let’s be honest: making us choose an education that’s going to prepare us for what we think will be an enjoyable career until we reach 65 at age 18 sounds kind of stupid, right? So in my opinion, career-wise, it’s perfectly fine to still be narrowing it down at this age. All of it depends on what kind of financial responsibilities you have. So the million dollar question: when should you have your shit together when it comes to your career? When you find a career path that’s enjoyable, challenging and produces a steady cash flow that you can live relatively comfortably on.
Love and Relationships
Yikes. OK. So apparently statistically speaking, if you’re in your early 30s and still single, you just dodged your first divorce and should have an influx of fresh divorce(e)s flowing back into your dating pool. Yay for you!
The shitty thing about love and relationships is that the older we get, the harder it gets. Which is totally unfair. But the more we experience life and love and all its highs and lows, the more baggage we collect.
So how do you know if you have your shit together when it comes to your love life? Well, I’d say you have to tick a couple of boxes:
- Have you worked through any drama or impactful events in your life that may impact the way you connect and build relationships with people, particularly romantic relationships?
- Do you have a clear idea of what it is you want out of a romantic interest? Is it booty calls and late night junkfood? Is it arm candy? Is it someone who doesn’t want kids? Or already has kids? You can answer these types of questions seriously while considering the future and not just your current hormonal surge.
- This is my favorite one: are you actively looking for a relationship? If so, stop. Learn to be happy alone. If you reach the point of not wanting a relationship, congratulations! You’ve now learned to rely on yourself. And that shouldn’t change until you run into someone who’s worth getting into a relationship with. In my experience and from what I’ve seen around you, right when you least expect it love will come in and kick you in the face. Which will turn out to be a good thing.
- Now for the tougher question: what are YOU bringing to the table? What do you have to offer somebody? This is also a great exercise in learning how to appreciate yourself. Try to phrase it in a way that it’s not about what you would DO for this other person, but what you could MEAN to them. This one goes for friendships too, by the way.
If you can answer all of these truthfully, I’d say you’re well on your way to having your shit together when it comes to love and relationships.
Alright, I think for me these are the basic points where one should have their shit together. And clearly, I don’t really believe that it should come with a deadline. Most of these anyway. If there are any I missed, sound off in the comments.