Some people have asked for a little bit of a deep dive into The Tingles Theory that you were introduced to a while ago. Firstly, glad to see it has struck a nerve with some of you. Since the first post was mainly about when you’re just starting out with someone, let’s explore what happens to your tingles after those first couple of months.
Let’s first rewind it a little bit. We had Mind, Soul, and Body tingles, and we had established that you’d need at least 2 out of 3 if you’re getting ready to date someone. For some, 2 out of 3 will be enough to pursue more. Personally, I don’t get out of bed for less than 3 tingles. Or rather, nobody gets into mine without them (see what I did there?). Anyway, the question now is: how many tingles do you need long-term? How many tingles do you need to keep active to make it work?
I asked a friend who has been in a relationship for about a million years, and she said she could do just fine with two. That makes sense to some extent. If you have a Mind tingle, someone who challenges you intellectually, someone you can hold a good conversation with, that’ll make sure you won’t get bored with each other. In a good relationship, you should be good on the Soul tingle, the love part. And then science tells us that sexual attraction, the “in-love” feeling goes away after a couple of years. When it comes to stuff like this I like to not rely on science too much, though. I’m stubborn like that. It’s mostly due to the fact that I don’t believe there’s any rationale behind emotion, least of all love.
So don’t I think you can fall into a routine with someone? Sure I do. Here’s the good news, though. You can work on any of these tingles to keep them… Well, tingling.
Mind
The way to make sure you never run out of things to talk about or discuss is to make sure you each still have your own lives outside of your relationship. Your own hobbies, your own friends, your own interests. It’s good to do some stuff together, but don’t turn into one of those couples who give up the singular verbs as soon as you become Facebook-official.
Soul
There are so many reasons people can feel love slip away. But as long as you haven’t gone passed the point of no return, you can reignite the spark. It all sounds very simple when people say you should never take each other for granted, but that’s really what’s at the core of it all. Make a little extra effort now and then. Without a special occasion. Never stop dating each other. Keeping someone is harder than winning someone over.
Body
The tricky one. The one everyone tells you will die sooner or later. What if I told you it doesn’t have to? This also has to do with putting in that little extra effort for each other for no reason. Recycle it. Keep it fresh. Put a little effort in presentation. Keep trying to surprise each other. Whatever floats your proverbial boat of course.
