I’ve never been very patient. And I’ve always gotten away with it, too. That’s why I’ve always said not to believe in timing; you either choose something or you don’t. But is it really that black and white?
I got into a discussion with some friends recently (don’t I always?). The question was whether or not “timing” was a thing when it comes to love and relationships. Due to my impatient nature, I was 100% convinced that it wasn’t. In my experience, even if you don’t think you’re ready, once you meet somebody that you really, really don’t wanna let slip, you’ll take the risk and go for it anyway. It’s the same with other big opportunities in life by the way, not just in dating and relationships. It’s a matter of priorities.
Some people disagreed. Vehemently. They claimed that sometimes people genuinely aren’t ready and want to get their affairs in order before involving someone else. When I asked them to give me some tangible examples, most of it boiled down to people being jaded or scarred by what had been done to them in the past by people who were supposed to love them, romantically or otherwise.
Getting over somebody who hurt you is one thing, but getting over the pain they caused is something else entirely. Everyone has baggage, and 9 times out 10 past experiences will leave someone with deep-rooted insecurities that makes them feel like the timing is off when meeting someone new (romantically or a possible BFF, even). Consequently, they close themselves off and push these new people away.
Now I get all of that. At the same time though, I’m one of those people who try to see the bigger picture and don’t really believe in coincidence or chance. Everything happens for a reason and all that. And it may be true that some people walk into your life when you’re not ready for a relationship, but they may still help you process whatever it is you’re dealing with and move on from that. Maybe you just needed a glimpse of what it could be like, to realize that what you’ve been through is not “normal”.
It could come down to a personality trait as well. I tend to go all in if I think someone is worth it, independent of my own issues or insecurities. Therefore, when someone tells me the timing is off, I tend to think to myself: “Clearly, I’m just not it for this person.” This also helps me with not dwelling on the “what-ifs”. You know how I feel about those. Unless it’s some deep-rooted messed up emotional issues, which happens to the best of us, you can always make room for someone in your life.
At the end of the day, I understand why people would say timing is everything. I really do. But I still think that it’s more often used as an excuse to mask fear. A friend of mine phrased it like this: “Some people let their fears, rather than possibilities, lead them in their choices.” I kinda liked that. Plus: you gotta risk big to win big, right?