Alright, let’s finally get this out in the open. A lot of people claim to want the fairy tale. A guy who sees a woman and immediately knows “This is it. I love her!” and they ride off into the sunset on his white horse with rainbow manes, leaving a trail of sparkles and butterflies. And some dudes will try to be that guy. That Prince Charming-type dude. Here’s the thing though. What you might think is romantic, is actually hella creepy.
“What inspired this blogpost?” I can hear the thought going through your head. Well, it was a Facebook post. Some dude asked for advice on how to talk to a girl he loved but she didn’t even know him. Some of the people commenting kept hollering out how romantic that was. To me, that just screams SERIAL KILLER.
Then, to top it all off, along came the Netflix show You. You know the one, where Gossip Girl’s Dan Humphrey is now a bookstore clerk, still obsessed with mediocre blonde-haired, pretty women? Soooo this revealed that some women have some serious issues. The tweets that I saw from women idolizing this dude… Thankfully Penn Badgley himself tried to set some of them straight, but still. Some of y’all have a messed up sense of romance.
So here it is, another chapter in The Playbook. For all you fellas out there, here’s the guide to figuring out whether you’re being romantic, or just plain creepy.
We’ve discussed innocent-looking red flags before, so I’m not gonna go over that again. Let me start out by saying this: I know some guys like to “joke” that it’s only creepy if you’re unattractive. Wrong. That’s something you use to try and justify your creepiness. And creepiness makes you unattractive.
Getting introduced
Romantic: walking up to her, introducing yourself. Make small talk, ask for her number. If she says no and doesn’t offer up a social media handle or anything, walk away.
Creepy: checking all her social media profiles to see if she forgot to update her privacy info and her number is visible, saving that number. Bonus points if you actually call or text. Restraining order-worthy if you do this stuff anonymously to weird her out.
Meeting up
Romantic: once you know her and understand her likes and dislikes, you plan a day or evening according to that. If she likes old movies, you go to an open-air screening of Casablanca. If she likes trying out new foods, you take her to a themed food festival. Get creative with it.
Creepy: you don’t really know how to go about asking her out, or you feel like you don’t have enough in common. So how can you make her think that you’re a good match? Learn her schedule by heart and show up in places you know she’ll be unannounced! Having a sense of being followed around is the way to a girl’s heart. (PSA: just a disclaimer, this is sarcasm. Do not do this. You’ll weird her out. Rightfully so.) Bonus-creeper points for showing up at her house. I’m-calling-the-cops-on-you points for doing that even though she hasn’t shared her address with you.
While Dating
Romantic: when she goes out with friends, ask her to let you know the time she leaves to go home and when she reaches, or if you know she’ll be alone, go pick her up if need be. Tell her have fun, and go about your business.
Creepy: she wants to go out with friends and you make a big deal of it. You tell she can’t, or you guilt her into not going. Or, if you want to go from red flag to really creepy, tell her to have fun. Then follow her. Convince yourself (and her) that you’re only doing this because you’re worried about her, while we all know that you don’t trust her, you’re obsessive and possessive.
When you boil it down to the essence, here’s the biggest difference between something being romantic or creepy: if it’s romantic, you’re doing it out of a feeling of affection towards someone. If you’re being creepy, you’re being obsessive, possessive and really making decisions for someone without actually taking into account what they’d want. You’re expecting to win something, a reward. You feel you deserve that. And you don’t. Stop it.