Cuffing season has come to an official close, and that means that hunting season is upon us. Some of you may have been a little late to the DM game, and some of you never learned how to play it properly. Being the Samaritan I am, I figured I’d give you a few pointers in this edition of The Playbook.
DO THIS
- Lead up to the DM with a like and comment here and there. That way, there’s a good chance that the object of your affection (or desire, because let’s be honest here) has an inkling of who you are and you’re interested in some of the stuff she posts/does.
- Original opening. The days of us responding to “Hey” are over. Do you think you’re the only one who is attracted to this woman? Do you think you’re the only one trying to slide into her DMs? I can guarantee you, good sir, you are not.
- Start an actual conversation. If you followed up on the first bulletpoint, you now have a perfect opportunity to start a conversation. “Oh hey I’ve been meaning to try that restaurant. Did you hear they do cocktails now too?” Aaaaaand there’s your date suggestion.
- Give a compliment. About something non-phsyical. Think you’re the first guy to send her “Gawrsh, you sure are pretty”? You’re not. You wanna let them know that your interest is a little bit deeper than a puddle of water? Give them a compliment about something they posted whether it’s a drawing, a promotion at work or their cute new kitten. It’ll most likely help you stand out.
- Move from DM to IRL. Remember that guest post about texting being a tool to meet up in real life? Yeah. So assuming you’re not just on social media DMing women to assert your self-perceived dominance, it’s perfectly OK to respectfully make your intentions known if conversation seems to be flowing well.
DO NOT DO THIS
- Like EVERYTHING. What are you, a fanpage? You’ll seem more like a creepy stalker dude than someone who she actually might have something in common with.
- Send unsolicited dick pics. If we want to know what it looks like, we’ll ask. Generally speaking, dicks are not aesthetically pleasing. They’re mostly functional. Absolutely no need to share pictures of it. If you do send these pics, be fully prepared. It will be shared in the group chat and it will be made fun of.
- Go after somebody in a relationship. I mean, gross. Apart from the whole moral aspect of it: if they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you. Most likely. This sort of behavior comes from a sense of entitlement and really just goes to show you don’t really give a damn about this person, you just want to check them off your to do-list.
- Be a giant man-baby if/when she doesn’t respond. We all get left on read sometimes. It happens. Move the fuck on with your life without feeling the need to start calling someone fat, ugly, a bitch or anything else that just seems kinda off-base since you were JUST NOW trying to get at her.
There, you now have the basics of how to go about DMs. Happy sliding.
