Getting into this age bracket we’re in means seeing a bunch of people around you get married. It also means hearing another bunch of people talk about divorce statistics. Usually followed by a comment on how “people these days” don’t value marriage the way they used to.
Let’s get the first thing out of the way. Marriage isn’t for everybody. Given how today’s society functions (the more Eurocentric cultures mostly), there’s really no rational reason to get married anymore. The decision to get married is a sentimental one. Whether it’s because of tradition, religion, hyphenating your last name, kids… it’s all sentimental. Signing a piece of paper doesn’t (and shouldn’t) suddenly change the way you treat each other.
Does that mean you shouldn’t get married? Nope. By all means. Do whatever makes you happy. I, for one, don’t wanna hit 40 and still call somebody “my boyfriend” so there’s my sentimental reasoning. But I digress.
So why don’t I think divorce is a bad thing? It’s two-fold. First, the notion that it’s because “this generation” doesn’t value relationships the same way “people used to” is false. Being able to get out of a relationship that no longer works for you is never a bad thing. Breakups are never fun, whether they’re divorce-breakups or “regular” ones. So to imply that “people these days” don’t value relationships is, quite frankly, insulting. And even if we did, who raised us? Which brings me to my next point…
So many people stay together for the sake of the kids. And I get it, it’s not easy parting ways when you have shared responsibilities. Especially when those responsibilities are living, breathing creatures that have to grow into responsible adults. But here’s the thing. No matter how well you think you’re hiding it, kids pick up on tension and see the way you treat each other, and this sets the bar for their own future relationships. So think long and hard about what you want your children to learn about what is acceptable and desirable behavior in a relationship before you throw around the “for the kids’ sake” argument.
By the way, that last bit still applies even if you do decide to go for the divorce. They’ll still see and hear the way you treat each other and talk about each other.
Anyway, that’s just my €0,02. Thoughts?