Surviving Family Visits: a Guide

I’m in the middle of a family visit abroad and, while I love my family, sometimes it’s difficult to stay friendly when they ask you about your (lack of a) love life for the gazillionth time.First thing you have to know is that my cultural background is one in which marriage in and of itself is a life goal. And then once you have that: kids. Plural. Sure, their concern comes from a good place; they just want you to be happy and taken care of. So when someone expresses not being in a hurry to get married or *gasp* not wanting to get married at all, it’s generally met with one of two responses:

1. “Why would you even say that? What are you doing to me? I just want you to be happy! I’ll die of worry!”
2. “You’ll change your mind once you meet the right person / the older you get.”

The closer you get to 30, the more responses like #1 you’ll get.

So anyway, on my very first day of this trip, when greeting cousins who have toddlers, an aunt came up to me and said: “Hopefully we’ll be able to enjoy having your kids around soon.” Day one.

On day two I was asked: “Don’t you get lonely?” I live alone, which something unheard of for a single person in these circles. “Don’t you wish you had somebody there next to you?”

So I figured I’m not the only one who gets these questions and comments, and I felt the urge to make a comprehensive list of go-to responses, ranging from polite and changing the issue to responses with high shock value. Because sometimes people need to understand that it’s not their business. You know, like those nosy neighbors or aunts who always get in your business. These responses are a compilation of my own and responses from my panel of usual suspects.

To direct relatives, close family friends:

• “All in due time.”
• “I’m getting my own affairs in order first; I’m building my career.”

These are perfectly acceptable answers that will usually be very effective in ending the discussion or changing the subject.

To cousins, other people you’re close to but need to be put in their place every now and then:

• “Don’t worry, I’m getting plenty of practice until then!”

To (very) distant relatives, people you don’t really know but feel like they should have authority over you by association:

• “Yes aunty, but first I want to experiment with girls.”
• “Marriage isn’t for me, I change my men like I change socks.” Or shirts, depending on the climate you’re in.

What are your favorite responses?