It’s Halloween season and that means it’s time for ghost(ing) stories! Unfortunately, ghosting is still a thing. I’m gonna try to give you a nice little 4-step guide to understanding it, dealing with it and letting it all go.
Step 1: “Am I being ghosted?”
You’ve had a wonderful few dates. You feel butterflies. But you notice your phone becoming quieter and quieter. You message them to meet up sometime next week. Yeah, sure, fun, they’ll get back to you on details. Silence for a couple of days. You message again. “Sorry! Completely forgot, no time next week. I’ll text you later with a new suggestion.” The text never comes. Ah, damn, have you just been ghosted?
Yes. Yes you have. And it’s very tempting to send a string of texts asking what went wrong or why they changed their minds. Don’t. Instead, read on.
Step 2: “Great. So what now?”
So after your initial upset has subsided, determine whether or not you really want closure on this thing. I don’t necessarily believe in closure, but most people do, so there you go. If you decide you do, text one of the following things:
- “Hey, was wondering if you got my last message?” This works because it opens the door to further communication, should you desire any.
- “Hey, I thought we really clicked but if you feel otherwise that’s cool. I would’ve appreciated if you would’ve let me know though.”
Something along those lines. Doesn’t have to be exactly this. Under NO circumstances are you to take an accusatory tone or should you start hurling insults at them. You’re an adult. Act like it.
Step 3: Reality kicks you in the teeth.
Look, if you’ve been reading this blog (or know me personally) you know that I’m the tough love type of friend. So here it is. 9 times out of 10, people don’t realize they’ve ghosted you. A lot of articles I’ve seen about the topic suggest that people who ghost people are the worst people in the world. And sure, some of them are just weak, spineless folk who don’t have enough of a personality to tell you straight up “Look it’s been fun, but this ain’t it. Have a nice life.” But truthfully, and this one’s gonna hurt: people ghost you because you just haven’t made enough of an impact on them to remember texting you back.
Sorry. But that’s what it is. On the bright side: now you can move on.
Step 4: Let go, move on, forget them.
Never ever ever ever contact them again. There’s a chance they’ll remember you and text you one drunken night for a booty call. Do not respond. Other than that, this is the time for you to let go. Delete their number and on to the next.