A friend of mine, who’s usually very private about her relationship, recently divulged some information on the dynamics between her and her SO. And while it’s her choice, I feel like she could do better. She’s settling for this guy. This got me thinking about how often people settle for whatever situation they’re in, instead of settling with something or someone that’s much better for them.
Let’s first clarify the following. Settling can happen in love, friendship, career, hell even in shopping. I mean, I know those shoes are cute but do they REALLY fit the way they should? Here’s the kicker though. I really, honestly, truly believe most people don’t realize that they’re settling for less in at least 90% of situations. I caught myself in situations where I was settling for less than I wanted deep down. So let me break it down for you rightchea.
settling for
When you ask yourself why you’re in this situation (relationship, job, friendship) and answer one of the following things, you’re settling:
- “I’m not really gonna find anything that suits me better / loves me more / pays as much.” Basically telling yourself you can’t do any better.
- “It might not be exactly what I want, but at least it gets the job done.” Interpret that how you will.
- “I’ve already invested this much time / effort / love into it, it’d be a waste to not see it through.” You know what they call this in business and economics? The escalating commitment to failure.
- “It’s better than what I had before.” So that’s it? You just stop trying once you (barely) move a step up? Girl…
- “Can’t imagine I’d still have to be doing this an X number of years into the future…“
- “But this person stood by me through …” That’s commendable, really. But do you really want to compare having this person in your life to said awful situation? That’s a bad sign, bruh.
settling with / down
Here are some of the telltale signs that you’ve got the real deal.
- First and foremost, you feel AT PEACE. Whether with your career, your SO, your new shoes, whatever.
- The idea of being in this situation for the foreseeable future excites you rather than exhausts you.
- Hell, just the fact that you can picture yourself still in this situation in a couple of years is a great sign.
Here’s the catch. There’s always a catch, isn’t there? OK so getting out of the situation you settled for is likely scary. It’s probably a big step. You don’t know what’s next. But in the end, you’ll thank yourself for it.
Yes, change is usually scary. But change is progress. You might feel something eerily similar to regret for a week or two. “Whyyyyy did i do this? It would have been so much easier to just stay put and shut up!” But regrets are stupid. And as soon as you’ve given yourself a little time to adjust to your new situation, you’ll start showing yourself some TLC. Figure out what you need. What you want. How you’re gonna get it. Soon, you’ll wonder why you didn’t do this sooner. Take it from someone who’s been there. Repeatedly.