It’s 2016 and women go after what they want. This means that whenever we go out, we too can be the wingwoman our friends need us to be. There are some basic rules that go with this responsibility.
First off, let’s start by narrowing down what a wingwoman is and does. There are 2 definitions of a wingwoman. One is a woman who’s helping her guy friend get laid, the other is being your girlfriend’s sidekick in chatting up a guy. For these rules it really doesn’t matter which definition you uphold.
1. Wingwomanism starts before the club/bar/whatever your scene is.
If your friend is about to make an unfortunate fashion choice, point it out. Depending on how (s)he handles criticism, think on how you deliver your feedback, but be clear. Example: my best friend recently looked me up and down when we were about to go out dancing and proclaimed: “I go grocery shopping in outfits like that. Go change.” True story.
2. Don’t offend your friend, OK?
Before you embark on your winging mission, let your friend ask you. Let’s not start this adventure off on the horrible suggestion that your friend has no game. (Even if it is true). The next step is to decide on your goal for the night. Just work on your game? Find someone who can hold enough of a conversation with to wanna have coffee with them the next day? Go home with somebody? Try out a new corny pickup line you heard? Decide before you leave so you know what you’re up against.
3. Help out during the lookout phase.
This one rings especially true if your friend has horrible taste in men (or women). Make sure you help weed out the creeps, but also: be on the lookout for what could possibly be a good catch for whatever your purpose of the night is. There’s quick and easy ways to tell if someone is a good choice or not. Example: is he being rude to the bartender? Is he the only one laughing at his jokes? Yeah, avoid those ones.
4. You are the wingwoman.
You are not to take the spotlight. You’re supposed to be the spotlight. Whatever your person of interest is asking you or talking to you about, make it about your friend. If possible, try to steer the conversation towards a subject that your friend knows a lot about or is really interested in. Disclaimer: it needs to be a small-talk conversation topic. Random bar-people generally aren’t too interested in all the details of your office drama.
Also, keep in mind: this also means that you have to make it explicitly clear that you are a friend, and not with whoever you’re winging for. This’ll usually be the case if you’re acting as wingwoman for a guy friend, but it’s 2016 so let’s try and be inclusive, shall we?
5. Know when you need to leave.
Not disappear. Leave. Make sure you’re within glance range of your friend so (s)he can signal you in case something goes wrong or is off about whoever they’re talking to. But if they’re hitting it off and their conversation is flowing, excuse yourself. With whatever excuse, you ain’t tryna look cute here. Tell them you have to go pee. Tell them you’re gonna get another drink. Tell them you have to go say hi to an old friend from university you just spotted. Plot twist: there is no friend and you really don’t have to pee. Just walk away and let your friend flow.
6. Know when to abort mission.
This is especially true for a situation in which you’re playing wingwoman for a girlfriend. It does happen that a guy turns out to be a creep later on in the conversation. Or his conversation is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Or he starts crying because your friend reminds him of his ex. Or something, I don’t know. The point is: agree on a sign, a signal, a codeword, a gesture to let each other know that this mission needs to be aborted right the fuck now.
7. Aftercare
If the mission was aborted or failed, regroup and decide on your next course of action: either find a new target or just dance on with your friends. Regardless of the outcome, make sure to check in with your friend the next day. “How did it go?” / “Did you make it home safely?” (if applicable) / “Did he/she/you text yet?” Or simply reevaluate your approach for the next time.
So what are some of your golden rules when it comes to wingwomanism?