There’s a right way to have an argument

There are things that make my blood boil. Then there are things that seemingly don’t mess with me very much at all. And I display all of these differently. Purposely so. There are a couple of things that I have picked up throughout the years that kinda help when you’re in argument.

1. Don’t think you can re-raise somebody.

1. I’ve seen this happen around me a lot. People get into the same arguments over and over again, because at least one of them is trying to change the other’s personality traits/deep-rooted beliefs. If people are to change anything, it has to come from within, as it’s intrinsic. Yelling at them about how they’re wrong is not going to work. Your racist uncle isn’t suddenly going to like foreigners because of your powerful clapback at the dinnertable.

2. It’s possible to care about more than one topic at a time.

1. Some peoples’ favorite response to any kind of issue that someone raises is “well what about the situation in Africa/the Middle East/some other gross generalization?” Not only are you trying to make them feel guilty about bringing up whatever’s bothering them, you’re also deflecting your own guilt about the topic.

3. Pick your battles.

If you turn every encounter into an argument, pretty soon people will automatically stop listening once you start talking. Not because what you’re saying isn’t important, but because it’s exhausting. You’ll become “that person” that nobody wants to deal with anymore.

4. Keep it to yourself.

1. If you’re in a spat with someone that you normally hang out with a lot, don’t put that kinda drama on other people. You can make them feel like you want them to pick sides, which could suck if they hang out with both of you. On the other end of the spectrum there’s the situation where whoever you’re involving will automatically pick your side and never ever ever forgive the person you’re arguing with, even if you do. And things will be awkward for all eternity.

5. Know when you’re wrong.

This is key. If you’re wrong, swallow your pride and admit it. Whether it’s that after you cool down you realize you made an error in judgment, or that you obtained new information and need to (re)adjust your opinion based on that. Be a grownup. Admit when you’re wrong.

That’s it, those are my tips. It’s not always easy to keep these in mind, especially in the heat of the moment. It’s a process, and I’m a work in progress. Take it one step at a time and never let your anger get the better of you.