When you hit your 30s you generally don’t have the patience to be dicking around. We have careers to build. Friends to see. Travels to make. You want to know how much time and effort you should invest in this person and how much you’ll get in return. The best way to do that is through good and honest conversation. To that end, we’ve compiled a list of conversation starters.
- What’s your signature dish? I’m assuming you’re on a date with a grown-ass person. If you’re in the market for a lifelong partner, who actually needs to help you raise some kids, you’re gonna want someone who can pull their own weight plus that of your mini-mes. This is kind of a lightweight way of finding out if and how they take care of themselves. Usually that whole discussion can flow from this one question. Good stuff.
- What in your life are you proud of? Nobody has any interest, time or patience to be with somebody that still has their entire life to figure out. They should at least have an inkling of who they are, what they want and how they plan to go about it. And this question will make them think about that.
- What are your thoughts on the Black Lives Matter movement? Now, in an ideal situation, they’ll start listing the protests they attended, the causes they’ve donated to and/or the petitions they signed. If they say anything remotely close to that they don’t understand what it’s about, or that we already have equality, or my personal favorite: that “if they think it’s so bad, they should just leave the country”, run for the hills and never look back. Unless it’s unequivocal support the movement, I don’t want it and I don’t want you.
- Describe your brand of feminism. This is where it gets fun. They’ll either bring up man-bashing or start an actual discussion on intersectionality. I suppose you can guess what my response would be in either of those situations. Don’t be afraid to go a little deeper. Find out how they grew up – mom working outside the home or not, dad expected a hot meal upon coming home – and how they talk about it. This will let you know what they expect of relationships.
- Is there anybody out there that would be upset that you’re on this date right now? It’s easy to answer the question “Are you single?” with “Yes”. But you and I both know that there are a lot of folks out there who don’t want to label themselves or their relationships and end up in situationships, just so they can have their cake and eat it too. Or rather, cookie. Other versions of this question are: “Are you currently married?” or “Does anybody consider themselves to be your girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other?”
- Do you have kids, and if so, tell me about the relationship you have with their mom/dad? Story time. One time a guy I met told me he has kids. For me, at the time (in my 20s), this was a dealbreaker. When I said this to him, he responded with “Oh don’t worry. I don’t actually see my kids!” And he actually thought that would make it better. Now, for the second part of this question: if somebody starts describing their ex as ‘crazy’ or difficult or some other type of word in that category, then you can be pretty sure that this person has very little respect for the other parent. If you’re cool with that, that’s up to you. I wouldn’t, since sooner or later they’re probably going to show you that same disrespect.
- What are your views on monogamy? You all know how I feel about expectations management. This is what this question is for. Pay close attention to the topics that are brought up right after this too. For all you know they don’t want to introduce anybody to his friends and/or family ever, or doesn’t want to get married, or they start ranting about how monogamy goes against nature.
- When did you last get tested? I want to know how seriously this person takes their sexual health. This is especially important before you actually do anything. So maybe not a first date. But you and I both know that we know pretty quickly whether or not we can picture ourselves getting naked with someone, so you might as well know, right?
- Do you give head? I’m sorry, but this is a big one. According to statistical research, straight women are the least likely to achieve orgasms among their male and non-straight peers. So you wanna know upfront if the person you’re on a date with is going to put in work when the moment’s there.
- What is one question you want to ask me but you’re too shy to? Elicit a giggle, break any ice that might still be there.
Alright, that’s all I got. If these don’t help you get down to someone’s core, I don’t know what will. Good luck!
DISCLAIMER for those of you who are new to this blog: take most of the things on here with a grain of salt. You might not wanna throw all of this at somebody from the first time you meet. Or maybe you do. Either way, I accept no responsibility for how your date will turn out.