Deep down (generally speaking) we all want approval from our parents. No matter how old we get, they’ll still be our parents and we want them to be proud of their kid. But for some of us, especially those who feel they’re stuck between cultures, finding a balance between what we want and meeting our parents’ expectations of us can cause serious problems. Now, the ways in which this can impact your life are varied. It can make you choose a graduate program you’re not really feeling. It can make you change your living arrangements. It can make you reject a romantic partner. And that last one is one I wanna highlight.
Contrary to what it may feel like at the time (again, generally speaking) your parents are not out to get you and they do want to see you happy. Sometimes it’s just that they want you to be happy based on what would make them happy.
The principle is actually fairly simple. Remember how we talked about dealbreakers? So here’s the thing. Your parents have them too. He’s a struggling artist, they want an engineer/a lawyer/a doctor for you. She doesn’t want kids, they want Christmas dinner with 12 grandkids. Stuff like that.
I have friends whose number one priority in finding a partner is pleasing their parents. And on the other end of the spectrum I have friends who have gone full rogue and chose to be with somebody that made their parents cut them off entirely. And you know what? Both are fine. It all depends on what you feel is more important and fundamental to your happiness.
As for me: well, remember this blogpost? I don’t respond well to threats of being cut off or rejected based on choices. In my mind you can disagree with what somebody is doing while still supporting them as a person. Especially your kid. That’s the one kind of love that you should never have to question.
But what do I know? 🙂