As you by now know, I’m a big advocate of the Tingles Theory. If someone stimulates you intellectually, emotionally and physically, hang on to them for dear life.
But what if you just can’t seem to hit that trifecta? Is it OK to get these different aspects from different people? Should your relationship be a one-stop shop for all your needs and desires?
Ideally, yes it should. Realistically, it’s often not.
I’ve met people that have found it all in one package. They’re the happy couple you see in home insurance ads. They communicate through facial expressions and inside jokes. They’re as handsy as teenagers in anticipation of prom night. Any activity that requires teaming up, they’re together. All the time. They’re lovers, best friends, a true duo. Nothing and no one will ever come between them or be more important to them.
On the other end of the spectrum you have the independents. They each do their own thing. Up to a point that you sometimes forget they actually have a SO. I mean, sure, they do stuff together, but it’s very private. Just between the two of them and the rest of the world really doesn’t know that much about their relationship.
I’m not here to say which is better. I mean, I can imagine that it must be nice to have someone be every person you could possibly need rolled into one. There might be a danger there of (unintentionally) neglecting your friends. On the other hand, restricting your SO’s role to that of lover/boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife could lead to a bunch of issues, a lot of which have to do with other people. There’s jealousy, mostly from other people who don’t understand your situation. Assumptions that you’re not happy together. A sense of insecurity of not getting to be involved in your SO’s life.
For me personally, the best option is probably somewhere in the middle. Every person is different and everybody’s needs are different. And you know what? You don’t necessarily need to understand somebody else’s relationship dynamic. All you have to do is… mind your business, really.
I guess at the end of the day we should all just stop trying to impose rules on how a relationship “should” look. That would make all of our lives easier.
