“It’s 2017 and we shouldn’t put labels on things anymore, it boxes people in.” True. Except when it comes to titles. It’s a subtle difference, but labels and titles often serve a much larger purpose.
The first example I’m going to point out to you is the most obvious one. Ever had the person you’re seeing tell you that “a bond is more important than a title”? It sounds real cute, but is generally code for “if you don’t have the title, I don’t have to tell the other people I’m hooking up with about you.”
It kind of happened to me once. Dude refused to do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. For clarity’s sake, let’s name him Guy. I told him that’s cool and if anybody asks, I’d just say we’re “seeing each other”. A couple of weeks later I run into a friend I went to university with and I introduce Guy as “the guy I’m seeing” (see what I did there?), as per our agreement. We agree to hang out and catch up later that week. During said catchup my university friend proceeds to ask me out. As I’m not interested and Guy and I did agree to be exclusive, I said no and gave him that same explanation. My friend responds: “Oh I didn’t think it was a serious thing as you only said you’re seeing each other.” When Guy heard that, he was REAL quick to label it.
This stuff happens in professional life too. One of my best friends works for a startup, and startups wanna be cool and hip about the way they do things. They wanna be different. And this can backfire. How, you ask? She doesn’t have a job title. It’s very clear what her job is, but they refuse to give it a name. When she described the role herself on LinkedIn (accurately, I might add), she got asked to take it down. Consequently, whenever they meet clients and she hands over her business card, clients are confused as to what it is she does. Why is this a big deal? This severely restricts her mobility in the job market. Which is a shitty thing to do on her employer’s side.
Do you see what the common denominator here is? Titles signify a situation to the outside world. Yeah, yeah, “who cares what people think?” I’ll tell you why it matters. In the world we live in, perception is reality. Think of that what you will, but that’s the way it works. If you don’t wanna label your situationship, expect other people to keep approaching your …whatever it is. If you’re agreeing to nonsensical or madeup job titles, expect recruiters and (prospective) clients to completely bypass you as you’ll probably not even pop up in search software. In short, don’t be afraid to demand a little clarity. Or establish it yourself if needed.