I’ve always been around a fairly internationally oriented group of people. Now that I’m nearing 30, a lot of these people are getting married, having kids, making some big life changes. And for this particular mix of people that often includes relocating, either within the country or abroad. So I went around and asked people if they’d consider moving for love.
- Yes. If he’d do the same for me.
- Only if we’re married.
- Maybe if we’re already a couple of years into it.
- To a big, fun, lively city yes. Hicksville, Alabama, no.
- If it fits into our plan, yes.
- I would, but the destination has to offer me something as an individual.
I was always on team “I ain’t moving for nobody but me”, but then I moved (for me) and ran into a bunch of people who have moved or are moving soon for a SO.
First let me explain why I never really believed in moving for love. This is all based on what I’ve seen happen around me growing up. From what I’ve witnessed, two things can happen when you leave the place where you spent your formative years. You either completely integrate or even assimilate to your new surroundings, or you start to resent little things and miss the place you grew up. Whether this is justified or whether you’re just projecting whatever you’re feeling life should be like onto your “home” is a different discussion and I’ll leave that up to you to figure out. Let me give you some examples.
The first scenario happened when initially, both people wanted to move to the same place. They got married, had kids, the whole thing. As time went on, the guy (who had come from abroad) started to resent little things that, in his mind, were better back home. Never mind that when he was actually visiting his hometown, everybody would notice how much more ‘Western’ he had become and didn’t really fit in. So why is this a problem? I’ll tell you why. He starts to have regrets. “What ifs.” And begins to resent and blame his wife. And that’s no way to have fun in life, now is it? I’ve seen this happen to more than one couple.
A different way this can play out is what happened to a close friend of mine. Her guy wanted to move after graduating (she had already graduated and had a pretty good, steady job). Girl refused. The place he wanted to go to had no real prospects for her professionally, so she said she didn’t wanna go. He said “cool”. Then started to resent her. Of course none of that came out until they broke up (which had other reasons, but still).
So basically, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I don’t know, it’s a difficult situation. Honestly, I don’t know if I would move or not. I can, however, say this. It’s easy to look back years later and say you made the wrong decision and feel sorry for yourself. But consider this: whatever choice feels right to you right now, is the right choice for you right now. Keep that in mind when you get all retrospective on yourself. Why? Because regrets are stupid, that’s why.