I’ve had some shakeups in my “inner circle”, as I like to call it, over the past year. It got me thinking that as we move closer to 30, we start to notice shifts in the people we call our friends. Which is normal, I suppose. Relationships evolve. So what defines a good friend? What is a true measure of friendship?
Teens
In your teens it’s easy. Your friends are the people that are… there. Wherever you are, there they are. They’re the people you go to school with. They’re the people that are on your team. Maybe some of the folks down at your little part-time job. I don’t know a whole lot of people who are still in touch with their high school clique. Me personally, I have two high school girlfriends that I still see (relatively) regularly. Then there’s one or two, maybe three, that have since moved abroad that I’m still in contact with and we always make time to see each other when we’re in the vicinity.
The true measure of friendship: honestly at this point in life, the most important thing is to find likeminded individuals. We’re all very much developing our sense of self, our personalities, and a sense of belonging can be very important. The ones we click with, that make us feel like we’re not alone, those are the ones we tend to cling to.
Twenties
In your 20s, everybody’s your friend. Your college friends, your drinking buddies, your clubbing crew, your team, your student organization/fraternity/sorority. They say the friends you make in university are the friends you make for life. And it feels that way for a while. And at some point, as you start coming into your own, some friendships that you thought would last forever kind of… fall by the wayside. Could be either everybody goes in a different direction by your late twenties. Could be that as you start to develop your own thoughts, interests, opinions, you come to the realization that you’re too fundamentally different to get along the way you used to. Some people will move away, some will move back to their hometown. Some won’t budge.
The truest friends I made are the ones that I don’t even get to see all that often anymore, to be honest. The ones where you text “Let’s meet up soon!” but actually mean it, you know?
The true measure of friendship: no matter how long you haven’t seen each other, as soon as you do get together you pick up right where you left off. And nothing ever changed.
Thirties
It becomes harder to make friends. You’ve had your heart broken a couple of times. I don’t mean the romantic kind, I mean the shattered friendships kind. And who really has the time and/or energy to reinvest that much into someone you’re not gonna be around everyday? You might make some work-friends. Mom-friends. Dog owner-friends. But that same intensity as in your 20s? Nah. You probably have other priorities. You may have all these adult responsibilities by now. A career, spouse, mortgage, kids? You’re simply too busy. Even the friends that you still have from your early twenties you’ll see less and less of. Everybody’s preoccupied with other things in their lives.
The true measure of friendship: this one’s easy and was pointed out to one of my inner circle people since my early 20s. For most people you either have or don’t have time to meet up. The real ones, though? True friends, your ride or die squad, your inner circle, whatever you wanna call them, are the people you make time for. You’re never too busy for them. If something were to happen and I call them, they will always be there. And I know I’m lucky enough to have a handful of them and will make sure that they know they hold that spot.
What do you think? What do you consider to be a true measure of friendship?