Yeah, I said it. Love is a myth. Quite a bold statement, huh? But let me explain. It’s not so much that love doesn’t exist. It does. It’s just that a lot of people seem to have a really odd non-realistic idea of what love is, means and requires.
I see it with a lot of people around me at the moment. We’re all around that 30-ish age and are terribly frustrated that our relationships aren’t going the way we imagined. There are arguments. There’s lack of expression of how we feel about each other or we’re going about it in an incorrect way. There’s an inability to sense what the other person wants, needs, feels.
I generally have the same response to these comments and complains. Of course it’s not going to be easy and of course problems won’t solve themselves. Life is not a Disney movie. I know, I know. “But he used to always give me butterflies with little things he would say/do in the beginning! He doesn’t do those anymore!” Uh huh, yeah. That’s normal. Here’s why.
The first couple of days, weeks, months, are all fun and cute and lovey-dovey. You’re getting to know each other, you’re showing yourself from your best side, you’re out here singing along to stupid lovesongs in public transportation. That’s infatuation. Infatuation’s great. Life’s natural high. Your tingly feeling. You’re sure of it. You’ve found The One.
After the infatuation phase, however long it may take, real life kicks in. That’s the point where you realize you’re either over it and it was fun while it lasted, or by now you actually love this person. And you know what? That’s not easy.
Here you are trying to build a life with someone with very different ways of communication, very different experiences, sometimes even very different values or beliefs than you. No amount of romantic comedies that you watch together is going to fix that for you. You have to work at it. Together. And that, my friends, is love. It’s work. It’s damn near a job. Finding “the one” is the easy bit. Making sure they continue to be “the one” requires a whole new strategy.
So what do you do? Well, I firmly believe that there are crucial ingredients for keeping a relationship strong: trust, honesty, respect and shared goals. The first three are usually good in most relationships. Or that’s what I’m assuming for the sake of this article. The shared goals bit is something that’ll prove to be key. If you have something to work towards together, you’re much more likely to survive any unavoidable rough patches. And stop trying to live up to Disney movies.