Let me paint you a picture. You’re on the couch with New Boo. You get to talking about parents and how you’ve always handled in-laws. A question pops into your head. Before you know it, you say it out loud. “What if your mom doesn’t like me?” He gives you a puzzled look and responds “Is she the one dating you?”
He makes a good point.
We discussed wanting our parents’ approval. For a lot of us this also goes for in-laws. Which can of course lead to difficulties should you break up, but that’s a different discussion altogether (that we had here). Even if you don’t necessarily want a close bond with your in-laws, you’re gonna put in a little effort even if just for the sake of your SO, correct? If not, you should. They’re their parents, dude. Get it together.
Anyway these relationships can go in any direction, and I have stories about how it can go wrong from both ends of the spectrum. Fun! Here we go.
The first story is about a couple I know where the parents disagreed with their kid’s partner of choice. It happens, right?
“My parents decided before even meeting my SO that they weren’t going to like them. They tried very hard to be nice and polite and find ways to bond, but my parents wouldn’t let up. It was very discouraging and got to a point where my partner would look for any excuse to not have to come with me when I went to visit my parents. It was very awkward. But then it got worse. A while ago we decided that we wanted to get married. Yay, right? No. This made my parents cut us off completely. We don’t really talk anymore and our kids will grow up without grandparents on one side of the family.”
Yeah. You tell me who the winner here is. So that’s what can happen if their folks decide that they won’t like you before even meeting you. On the other end of the spectrum you have in-laws that loveloveLOVE you. A story:
“My in-laws have weekly family dinners every Sunday. EVERY Sunday. Which is cool, I love that they’re so close and they’ve included me from the start. Made me feel welcome and like part of the family. But there is a point at which it becomes invasive. There are limits. Dinner once a week is nice. But then they started claiming all the holidays. All of them. Not taking into account that I may have work, or would like to see my own family.”
So that’s the other end of the deal, I suppose. Where your in-laws treat you as family so much, they forget that you have your own family.
I wish I could tell you there’s an easy way to fix issues like this. There’s not. Chances are, open and honest communication with your SO and a little understanding and mediation from their side will go a long way.