You know you have that one friend who’s been “talking to” someone for the longest time, but nothing seems to be happening or progressing? Let her read the following. He might just not be all that into you. Here’s how you can tell.
People often talk about love and dating coming down to timing. To some extent, I understand why they’d say that. At the same time I’ve always been a firm believer that if you want something (or someone) bad enough, you’ll get out of your own way and make it happen. Let me give you some real-world examples.
1. Actually seeing them
If you’re trying to meet up with somebody but you can’t seem to find a good day/time for it, chances are seeing you isn’t really all that urgent for them (or you). There are exceptions, of course, but generally: if you really want to see somebody, you’ll make sure that you do. Otherwise, it’s not important enough to them. Thus, they’re just not that into you.
2. Thinking ahead
If they tell you one of the following: “I’m not ready for a relationship.” / “I really can’t plan that far (more than 1/2 weeks) ahead.”, guess what: they’re just not that into you. If you really like someone, you’re not gonna be scared to plan ahead a little bit. I’m not saying that they need to invite you to the family weekend 6 months from now, but damn, that concert that’s two weeks away shouldn’t be something he has to think about for so long. As far as the “not ready for a relationship” bit goes: if you were worth it to them, they wouldn’t be saying this. If y’all been hanging out for a good couple of months and he keeps saying this, that’s it. It’s not gonna change. They’re just not that into you.
3. Times and frequency of contact
So they’re good at keeping in touch on a frequent basis. Great. But the times they contact you are usually around what I like to call “loneliness hour”. You know, the moment Saturday night when clearly it’s too late to still go out but too early to go to sleep. Yeah, that’s not a good sign.
And sometimes there are no telltale signs in their texting behavior. Until suddenly the frequency drops, responses get shorter. Don’t panic. There could be a number of reasons for this. Or they’re just not that into you (anymore).
But wait…
So what can you do? Well… Nothing. Nothing good ever came from people trying to force each other to have feelings for each other. You can give them time and space to figure out what they want, sure. Just make sure you don’t end up waiting for something that’s not happening. Giving them time and space means NOT blowing up their phone to make up for the lack of messages. And please, please, PLEASE don’t ever try to set ultimatums. This is not a Bridget Jones movie.
All of this is only under the condition that y’all been hanging out for a while. Two weeks is not a while. However, if you’re a couple months into it and things are still as vague as mentioned, you’re probably dealing with someone who, all together now: is not that into you.
Now I’m not saying this is all necessarily bad. Sometimes you get into a situation knowing there’s absolutely no chance of it going anywhere, but it seems like fun for the moment. It happens. As long as it’s all in line with your endgame and it’s in agreement with the other person involved. You know, expectations management and all.
But you know what? No matter how many stupid little games we play (I can’t double text, I have to wait at least four hours before responding, etc.), deep down you know when you meet somebody you really don’t wanna let get away, and you know you’ll put in work to keep them.
At the other end of the spectrum: well, my dad said it best. “Don’t throw yourself at somebody who doesn’t want you.” Never let a man tell you twice he doesn’t want you.