It’s the age old question, once posed by the iconic DMX. Why do good girls like bad guys? What’s the appeal, what’s causing nice guys all over the world to sit and sulk in their rooms and not-so-nice guys to dog on their female friends for choosing these ain’t-shit-guys?
First things first: guys who ask this question (who ask me, anyway) need to be veeeery careful about their phrasing. If you come across like you’re coming at me with a sense of entitlement (whether towards me or another woman you’re thinking of while asking this question), chances are I’ll immediately write you off as ain’t-shit. I told you once before: if you have to *tell* me you’re a nice guy, you’re probably not.
Secondly, a disclaimer: I can only speak for myself on this topic. I have asked some girlfriends what their thoughts are and there are some things we all agreed on, but in the end, who you fall for and what triggers you that way is deeply personal.
Now, let’s get into the good stuff. Why are the bad guys so appealing? Why are nice guys so frustrating? I’ll tell you why.
A nice guy would never want to make you feel objectified, which will give off a very platonic vibe. Boring. The bad boy will make no secrets of what he’d like to do to you, time and place be damned. That’s exciting.
A nice guy will never try to make you feel uncomfortable. Respectable, but boring. The bad boy has his endgame clear in mind, and isn’t afraid to put you on the spot and make you push your limits. That’s thrilling.
A nice guy will let you know he’s there for you when you need him. He’s safe. A bad boy will treat you like an option, because that’s what you are to him. It’s a little competition to get his attention. It’s effective.
Now, let me give out a little warning to the women out there. Yes, the bad guys are fun and exciting and talk a good game. But make sure you draw a line to how much bullshit is acceptable to you. Because at the end of the day, that’s all it is: bullshit. A means to an end. And please, for the love of Nutella, don’t ever think you’re special.
Finally, a warning to all the nice guys out there. The real nice ones, not the self-proclaimed ones. Take out your little notebooks and write this down: slow and steady can most definitely lose the race. I’ve seen it happen around me. While you’re waiting for her to realize how much you care about her, there’s at least one other guy actively wooing her. You wanna get her to see you like that? Act like it.