Dating can be tedious. And nothing is as awkward as a first date.
I asked around and gathered some of the most ‘OMG’-inducing stories I could find. Just so you know you’re not alone out there.
Deep as a puddle
“We met on a Friday through a mutual friend and exchanged numbers. He contacted me the next day to set up a date for the following Friday for drinks. The first thing that went wrong is that he kept contacting me every day trying to meet up. In that whole process I discovered that he and I really didn’t have much in common. At all. I believe the exact words I used to describe him were “deep as a puddle”. I should’ve canceled then and there. Anyway, Friday rolls around and I go to meet him at the agreed upon spot. I walk up and see he’s at a table with a friend. And said friend’s date. Great. I walk up to greet him and see that he’s got his headphones in. Why, you ask? Because he’s watching the game on his phone. I join them at the table. There’s no conversation as dude’s busy watching the game. During halftime he looks up and asks me why I’m not talking with his friend’s date. I’m thinking to myself: he brought me on a grown woman playdate. It didn’t get much better. Conversation (after the game ended, of course) was painfully weak. Every conversation would start normally and at some point he’d stop responding and just go off on his own little monologue, unrelated to what we were JUST talking about. On top of that, he kept going to the bathroom every half hour. It was weird. I felt relieved to be home alone that evening.”
*BONUS*
“A couple of days later he texted and asked to meet up again. I said I didn’t want to and I would just see him if I saw him at the spot where we met (it was a weekly thing). He said OK. A couple of days after that he texts me again: “Soooooo do you want to be my girlfriend?”
WHAT?!?”
Dinner for two
“I met this girl through a dating app. We talked for a while and then decided to meet up. She offered to cook me dinner at her place, which sounded pretty good to me. So off I went, hopped on the train and went all the way to another city to meet this girl. I arrived at her place and she invited me in. And then… she introduced me to her boyfriend. Who was cooking us dinner. Who also lives there.”
The man with no personality
“Well, it all started with dude showing up late. He was incredibly nervous. We started talking but this wasn’t easy because he was SO nervous. Anyway, we started a regular back and forth with questions, as one does. He kept saying how he works so much because he wanted to make a lot of money. Then he went into how he doesn’t believe in marriage and doesn’t trust people in general, women in particular. Great way to start off a first date, right? So at some point he asks me if I’m into playing pool. I truthfully say I’m really not. I’ve done it, but I really hate it. He responded with: “Cool, I’ll take you out to play pool sometime.” Clearly this man was not listening. I kept trying to keep the conversation moving and moved on to hobbies and what he likes to do in his free time. He started bragging about always going to the same spots with live music where he books private tables and how much he drinks and how much all of that costs. Still trying, I ask him if he likes to travel. He says “absolutely!” I’m relieved we finally found something we can *maybe* talk about. But upon further questioning it turns out that this meant that he only travels to the same one country back and forth and has no interest in going anywhere else. I tried to cut the date short by asking if we could just leave, at which moment I texted my friend to please call me so he wouldn’t suggest a second spot. She did, pretended a dog had bitten her and she needed to go get a tetanus shot. Those are 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back.”
I hope these stories make you feel better. They might make you feel worse. The idea was that you now realize that you know what, yes, dating usually sucks. But it sucks for all of us, so it’s not just you who runs into idiots. And you know what? Best case scenario: one of these days somebody will turn out to not be an idiot. They might even be great. And this is the part where I’m supposed to say it’ll all have been worth it, but… Worst case scenario is that all this will lead to is a bunch of fun stories you can tell your nieces and nephews over Christmas dinner while their parents (your siblings) look at you with a strange mixture of disgust and admiration on their faces.
What are your worst first date disaster stories? Feel free to vent in the comments.