People say absence makes the heart grow fonder. They also say out of sight, out of mind. In short: people don’t know what they want. So let’s explore which one of these sayings rings more true and look at the up- and downsides of doing the whole long distance relationship thing.
First off, there are different reasons for doing the long distance thing. I’m gonna go ahead and assume it’s a temporary situation, like your SO is going on an exchange, or being shipped abroad temporarily for work. Or maybe longer but you guys do have plans to be back together (physically) at some point.
Let’s start with the downsides first so I can hopefully cheer you up with the upsides later, mmkay?
Timezones and other practical issues
This doesn’t always apply, but how much does it suck to be in a completely different timezone? This makes it damn near impossible to schedule any kind of Facetime sessions, since one of you will end up oversleeping for work with all the consequences and ensuing drama. That’s messed up. Also, if they’re in a location with shitty WiFi, you guys are completely screwed. Like it or not, we’re very dependent on being online. That’s twice or three times as bad if you’re in a LDR. Your other option is traveling back and forth to see each other. If your boss and your budget allow it, of course.
Trust
This will kill any relationship in the long run, but if the trust’s not there, a long distance thing will definitely drain you emotionally. Here’s the thing. People have crushes. It happens. They’re in a relationship, not dead. What sets people apart from animals, however, is the ability to foresee consequences to your actions. If your SO is a good egg, having a crush will not mean they’ll act on it. They might even tell you about it and you guys can have a good laugh about it.
Milestones
Your SO is going to miss a whole bunch of big things and you’re going to miss theirs. Graduating. A big promotion. Getting an award for that awesome campaign you ran. Winning the championship in whatever sport you’re into. Your sister’s wedding. Your brother’s baby. You’re going to be alone for all of these things. Sorry, dude.
“The future”
The biggest problem I’d probably have with a long distance construction is that it makes it so difficult to actually build a life together. I’m all for people doing their own things within a relationship, but this is taking it to the extreme. I mean, if you live together and during the day you’re off at your job, then meeting friends, going for hobbies, whatever, that’s all cool. At the end of the day you come home and have dinner together or whatever else y’all are into. When it’s long distance, not only do you not have that, but you won’t really know any of the people they hang out with, what interests them in that moment etc. And seeing people in settings they enjoy most teaches you most about them (I believe). And how are you going to build a life with someone whose life you’re not really plugged into?
OK, you guys still with me? This article is turning out to be longer than I thought it would be. Fortunately, there are upsides to doing the long distance thing!
Appreciation
I honestly think that a LDR is the best cure against taking somebody for granted. If you give somebody a chance to miss you, chances are, they’ll miss you! And so will you. And then when you do finally get to see each other, you’re going to make it count. You’re not going to want to spend your time arguing about who’s going to do the dishes, you’re going to want to enjoy each other. And that’s a beautiful thing.
Defining the relationship
This kinda depends on where you stand in life, whether or not this is an upside. But if you’re going to be in a long distance relationship, you’re going to want to know that you guys are serious about each other, right? I mean, why else go through all this mess? So you’re more likely to have a clear view of who you are and what you want from and for each other in the long run. Which is great. You know I’m a fan of expectations management.
So, what did I miss in my overview of pros and cons of trying to do the long distance thing? Sound off in the comments and let know if you think LDRs stand a chance or if they’re doomed from the get-go.