Breakups are never fun for anyone involved. But they get even worse when you’re very close with your now-ex partner’s family.
Storytime
Once upon a time a million years ago I was in a relationship. For a very long time. The first time I met this guy’s sister, we instantly bonded. Over shoes, because obviously. A friendship was born.
A couple of years later the relationship ended and said sister and I kinda lost touch. On my part, I didn’t want to make things awkward for her or make her feel like she’d have to choose sides or anything, so I kept my distance.
Fast forward a couple of years. I’m not even sure when this was, but I think it was that I sent her a message for her birthday. She was happy to hear from me, and we decided to grab lunch later that week. Fast forward another year or two and we’re back to being besties. And I mean besties in the sense that people get worried something bad happened if they only see one of us. And the ex is cool with it (as far as I can tell).
So what’s the lesson here? Just because you breakup with someone, doesn’t mean you automatically have to break up with the family as well. It all depends on how and why the breakup happened, and there might be need for a cooling-down period, but if you all really got along there’s no reason it won’t work. Here are a few pointers:
Firstly, even during the cooling off period, it’s nice if you drop a text or email around special occasions. Holidays, birthdays, you know, the usual. The same goes for big events. Kids being born, graduations, etc.
If you do speak to them, don’t bring up the ex. At least not in an angry way, which is likely to happen. So just don’t.
Seeing as how you reach out to them when something big is happening in their lives, make sure to inform them of your big moves as well. Got a new job? Tell them. Bought a house? Let them know. Getting married? Drop them a message. You get the idea.
Sounds doable? I thought so. If enough time has passed, who knows, you might even be able to have a regular conversation that doesn’t turn into a screaming match with your ex again, too.
What are your tips and tricks when it comes to dealing with former in-laws? Or do you think it’s all just best left alone? Sound off in the comments!