We talked about the things all guys should know when it comes to bedroom shenanigans. But ladies, we’re not off the hook here.
Therefore we’ve compiled a comprehensive list of Cookie Commandments that apply to each participant during a session of grownup playtime.
Thou shalt adequately hydrate
Put some Gatorade next to the bed. It’s important, you know. While we’re on the subject of hydration, let me also bring up food. Having dinner together is cute, especially if you know what’s coming after (I’ll refrain from referring to it as dessert because this is not a movie about a 40-year old divorcée who falls in love with a man 15 years younger than she is and I can’t deal with that kind of corniness right now). However, if you’re cooking, know what you’re making. Hats off to ya if you can cook up a storm that land people into food comas, truly. But if you’re expecing any kinda action, keep the meal light and nutritious, mmkay? Falling asleep on someone is not sexy.
Thou shalt give at least as much as you receive
Yes, this is in reference to head. Don’t accept it if you’re not willing to reciprocate. Or at least tell the other person beforehand if you’re not into it so they know what’s up. Or what’s not.
Disclaimer: some people say it should not be completely reciprocal to keep a fair balance. Your call.
Thou shalt not ask about body count
Body count is irrelevant. Barring some kind of psychological trauma or damage that leads to unhealthy and irresponsible or even dangerous sexual behavior, someone’s past is just that: the past. AKA none of your business. If you get asked this question, shut it down. There’s no good reason for anybody to ask you this, it’ll only lead to judgment or feed into insecurity. Also, there is no right answer. 1-2? Prude. More than that? Hoe. So one more time for the people in the back: body count is irrelevant.
Thou shalt be safe
For some reason, too many people still have to hear/read this. It is not the obligation of just one party to make sure y’all are protected. Also, there’s different types of protection for different types of things. Infections, diseases, or the most permanent infection of all: kids (that’s something you’re stuck with for life). In short, bring your own. Always. Just in case. The health-conscious among us are always warning us about not putting anything dangerous in our bodies. That goes for this part of the body too. You don’t know where that has been, don’t carelessly put it somewhere it may harm you.
Thou shalt respect boundaries
Now this one I have to stress. I’m all for keeping an open mind, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship and are trying to keep things fresh and interesting. However, if your partner is uncomfortable with something, respect that. If you yourself are uncomfortable with something, respect that. This goes for both men and women. The everlasting myth that men should always be ready, willing and able needs to go too. It’s toxic and damaging. I don’t care how his body responds, when he says no, it’s no. Clear? Cool.
Thou shalt not take thyself too seriously
In most cases, awkward things will happen. Let’s face it. We’re nowhere near as smooth as we think we are, especially during playtime. Certain bodyparts get in the way, things can get messy, furniture gets knocked over or bumped into. It’s normal. However, if you take it all (and yourself) too seriously in all of this, it’ll put a serious damper on your funtime. Learn to laugh it off and keep it moving, boo. If you can’t laugh about these things (yes, even mid-session), you’re with the wrong person.
Thou shalt have fun, dammit
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.
There you have it, folks. The Cookie Commandments. Print them out and post them up on your bedroom door so that all that may enter are aware of their rights and responsibilities.