So you guys know I’ve been cheated on in a past relationship. I never made a secret out of it because it’s not something to be ashamed of. He’s the one that fucked up. Buuuuuuut it did leave some scars. And that’s an understatement. I didn’t even realize how deeply this shit had damaged me until I started dating again. So here it is: the aftermath of being cheated on.
The first thing I noticed is something that I was already half-expecting: there’s hardly anything that makes me cry anymore. From sadness I mean. Happy tears still happen all the time. Cuz I have a soft caramel center. But I digress. Bad stuff happening makes me more angry than sad, so if I do happen to cry over bad shit, it’s more out of anger at being powerless to change the situation. But crying over a guy? Because I’m sad? Nah. Hell naw. You thought.
Second thing was a lot scarier to realize. A friend of mine asked me not too long ago if I didn’t end up with trust issues after aforementioned relationship ended. I kinda laughed it off and said I hadn’t been in a position to find out yet. Until I was. And boy, that shit scared me. Immensely. Way more than I thought it would. I kinda forgot what it was like to feel comfortable and relaxed with a guy so when things got a little more serious, I ran and hid like a lil’ bitch.
(Came back though. Because apparently I lowkey still have hope for a happy story. But that’s a story for another time. And worst case scenario? I get hurt again. So what? I’ve survived worse. I can handle it *shudders*.)
You know what sucks though? I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with much of it. I’m one of the (relatively) lucky ones who didn’t go through a “Why am I not enough” phase after finding out. I went straight into the “Boy, you reaaaally fucked up here”. So I thought I’d be OK.
Here’s the thing. Trusting someone in matters of the heart is basically you handing someone a loaded gun and telling them “I trust you won’t use this against me”. And if somebody wants to cheat on you anyway, they’ll find a way. Not to hurt you, but simply because you’re not even a factor in their decision making process. They truly madly deeply do not give a shit about you.
It’s not fair, is it? First we gotta deal with being cheated on, AND we gotta deal with the emotional mess of the aftermath? Bruh. It’s a lot more than you signed up for, isn’t it? The good news, however, is that you can (and probably will) move past it. Even if that requires some active mindset adjustments on your part. Hell, even if it requires some professional help depending on how severe your situation is. The bad news? You never know when this shit’s gonna turn around and give you an extra punch in the gut. But hey, it’s nothing we can’t handle…