Surprise! We have another guest blog for you: a guest blog by a brand new contributor who goes by the name of Roberto Barrtholomew Lucci III, but we can call him Rob Lucci III. He’s going to take us through the process of the booty call from perspectives you’ve never thought of before.
Booty: valuable stolen goods, especially those seized in war.
Call: a cry made as a summons or to attract someone’s attention
Booty Call: “A late night summons, often made via telephone, to arrange clandestine sexual liaisons on an ad hoc basis.”
– top most accepted definition on the Urban Dictionary –
I donʼt really call booty (I do, but this isn’t about me) so I asked some of my lady friends guaranteed to be bothered by calls and what do you know, they really had experience with booty-calls (sarcastic shocker…). But not only with being called, they also have done their fair share of recruitment. So weʼll be talking about what a lady can expect when men try to invade, and when they start recruiting for themselves. A word of precaution before you read. I tend to get off topic… brace yourself.
Starting off topic…
To be fair, not all ladies have experiences with booty calls. Some of you are just ugly… I mean special, some of you have numbers not known to men yet, some of you are called to pass your girl’s number, some of you do not have phones and most of you lie. But for those who are not in these situations the call is real. Now to think that a lady gets called more often than a guy is sexist (is it…? I really donʼt know), but the science supports the fact. Lady booty gets called far more often then man butt, but why is that? We can go on about the hunters instinct of men, the need to reproduce and women looking at the bigger picture, but let’s not, because first of all Iʼve been hunted by women and when they hunt… I… Iʼve never seen something like that among humans or animals or monsters for that matter. Second, if you ask a guy if he could choose between busting a nut and get babies, or bust a nut and getting no babies, well I think you know. A woman not getting a baby hasnʼt stopped men from lo.. lov.. lo… dicking her down and women looking at the bigger picture? Staph that! Itʼs really just about the frame.
No, it’s really simple. Women do not buy the cow if they can get the milk for free. And they are offered lots of free milk, by lots of milkmen, because men are simple or stupid or simple and stupid, but the science behind the simplicity and/or stupidity of men is another subject and even though itʼs is safe to say these ladies are familiar with that research, that is not what I was interested in. So I asked them if they were aware of a buns-call and if so, how do they detect it. I was, for some reason, really disappointed in all of them for actually knowing the signs, sigh… Now let us check some of them out.
TL DR – The signs of *ss-dialing
The first one is the dude all of a sudden telling her she sounds sexy. Iʼve been told this is called an unusual compliment and ladies seem to be well aware of its unusualness (if that is indeed a word). Something cannot be the same and all of a sudden be something else. As a matter of fact women use this same method to detect when a man is lying.
The second one is the “hey itʼs been a while” message. The guy is not lying and it has probably been a while, but when sent at nighttime this is more about “been a while since he laid pipe” than the “been a while since we talked”. Ladies can confirm this by suggesting to meet up somewhere next week during the day and notice the dude either coming up with schemes to make it appear he can only meet up right now or just not responding anymore when it is made clear tonight is not happening.
Another one is the conversation switcher. You can have a serious conversation and all of a sudden he brings up something not related to any of the preceding. I believe the Dutch call this occurrence “van de hak op de tak springen”. There are far too many examples but the bottom line is when, as a woman, you start thinking something along the lines of “what does (my) lips/ass/body looking hot has to do with this” or “we ended up having sex when that happened” chances are heʼs trying to “hak op je tak” (See what I did there…)
Now the preceding booty call buster tells us something about the content, but there is something which happens all the time regardless of which butt cheek dialing method is used, and that is the decreasing of the voice volume. For some reason a dude will talk softly which will make their voice sound lower, which seems to turn ladies on? But itʼs not only the talk. The excessive dropping of Usher sounding sighs and the laughter or chuckling which seems to happen even if the lady was not being funny is also almost muted. This basically means the whole thing starts to sound like a phone call intro conversation of a slow-jam. #BroughtYouYourSlowjamBack
But there is an exception though. One of the ladies told me the story of a dude only calling her when he is drunk. In this cause he wonʼt sound “smooth” because drunk people usual donʼt talk like one of the Isley Brothers. #BroughtYouSomeSlowjamArtistsAsWell
And there you have it. Some examples for how you know men are rump-calling you, but surely not all, because Iʼm not really here to snitch. Iʼm only here because I need to be left alone and writing this post is the only way and since we have to talk about ladies calling men-butts weʼll leave it at this.
Kinda off topic again
Some of you innocent playing, THIRST LOOKING… wait. Let me start over. Itʼs real fun having a lots of free milk, but when you want that fresh stuff right away youʼll have to milk the cow. And when a dude knows his butt is being called heʼll either drop the “be there asap” and is in front of your door before WhatsApp shows the second checkmark, or he will have demands, because in his mind you calling him means you are really thirsty which means he finally gets to ask to do that freaky stuff.
What men tend to forget is that they are never the only phone number in a lady’s phone. Johnny isnʼt even the only Johnny. Johnny Mooiboy is probably the 3rd Johnny Mooiboy of the 6 Johnny Mooiboys in her phone. If you want to find out as a dude how common you are, search for your name in a lady’s phone and notice your name coming up… twice… even though you never met her. So if one plays hard to get or not getting hard at all the other Johnny is called and after the last Johnny there is always John Snow, because it might not be winter but someone is cumming. (Yeah… Thatʼs a Game of Thrones line.) But this isnʼt about men being replaceable commodities, no this is about when ladies “hello from the other side” so let us get back to that.
TL DR; – *ss-dialing Dudes
I spoke with one who gave me a straight answer. “I only call for dick when Iʼm high. I donʼt even remember calling the guy” (I need to get her high more often, this could be something special). I donʼt have a problem with that, but it might be weird to wake up and see a face and be like “what are you doing here, and why does my mouth taste like dick?” and not being able to connect the dots. That is how you get your face on the back of milk cartons.
One of them told me she would would call whenever she would be in the mood. Even if that was in the morning. To me that sounded like a waste of calls. You can call me in the late nights but not morning. As a matter of fact, most dudes would be like: “lʼll read that when I get up.” Why night and not morning you asked? Because when one is called at night something’s is about to happen, but when you get called in the morning something usually already has happened and someone wants to talk about that with you. But it worked for her and from now on if I see her number in the morning, Iʼm picking that phone up like a hotcake.
The other lady was like “being able to get whomever I want to come to me turns me on more than the actual deed”. This reminds me of a friend of mine who made it a sport to get free stuff from dudes without giving shit, I mean anything (Some of you… you see this is why I donʼt buy you birthday gifts). But even though she was the only one who brought it up, when I started asking the others about this, they also confirmed a sense of “confirmation of being wanted” thingy. Who would have known that women do not like to be rejected… who… would have… known that (sarcastically typed).
There are more reasons as to when ladies call men-butts but those could not be regarded as booty-calls. For instance, dude-hump-calling for nookie because that is the only way for you to have him lay by your side is how you get congratulated for playing yourself. Calling a guy solely for phone sex is cute or retarded and in a way a call to the derrière for that is some real bullshit right there but itʼs not the fanny-call weʼre talking about. And booty-calling because youʼre unhappy with your relationship is what we guys call cheating, not thinking things over you ass-less disloyal being, double ratchet, thirsty looking BASIC -censored-!!!
But thatʼs really it, there is no deep science behind why ladies call men-butts. They want pipe. They either call willingly or under the influence and they call when they want it and actually expect to get it within a small timeframe window. Now I got some stories as to how theyʼve done it, but that is not what this is about, because like I said in the beginning: this isnʼt about me.
REALLY TOO LONG. DIDNʼT READ ANY OF IT
How do you know as a lady youʼre getting booty called
- Caller seems uninterested when talking about serious stuff but all ears when you switch to sex talks
- When caller calls to let you know the two of you are about to chill and when you ask where the two of you are going callers answers with “at your crib just chillinʼ Iʼm On my way!”
- When asked what you are wearing (when itʼs bedtime)
- When being told you sound horny when youʼre really talking with you mouth full or just sound sick
- When caller keeps bringing up the times the two of you did it
- When during the call you get the urge to yell “Speak Up”
- … more stuff… but stop snitching
When do you booty call as a lady
- You want dick and youʼre thirsty right now (call me)
- Youʼve smoked weed and youʼre subconsciously craving dick
- Youʼre drunk and canʼt lie
- You like toying with men
- You actually know John Snow
** I want to thank all who participated in the research. Some of you are the best,
but most of you are the worst. We still good though 😀