A Beginner’s Guide to Intercultural Dating

For those of you that don’t know me: I’m of mixed heritage, and I’ve lived my life in the rainy plains of the Netherlands. Lucky for me, I live in one of the bigger cities where we have about 175 different nationalities (according to the latest census). Living like this you’re bound to develop an interest for someone with a different cultural background sooner or later, right? And just like that, you’re in an intercultural relationship. Here are some things I picked up on, either personally or from friends and their situations.

The most glaring difference between Dutch culture and basically all other cultures is the perception of hospitality. Instead of diving deep into the cultural differences, I’ll just give you a few general pointers.

First off, meeting the parents is a big deal in most cultures. Like, BIG. We don’t bring you around the people who raised us unless we mean business. So if you’re going over to meet your new boo’s parents or whatever, don’t ever, ever, EVER show up empty handed. Ever. Are we clear? Good. Ever. Food is better than flowers. Also, while we’re on the topic, offer to help. With everything. Regardless of gender. A friend of mine had her brother bring home a girl to meet the family, and she spent the entire evening sitting on the couch, without even once getting up and offering to help bring out food or do dishes. Nobody liked her. It’s not about you actually doing stuff, but about you being considerate enough to notice that you can contribute. Got that? Good.

Sidenote: some cultures are more patriarchal than others, so if that’s something you feel you should take into account, by all means. Personally, I don’t and won’t. If you got two functioning hands, you can pick up a damn plate. But I digress.

Another big difference that I often notice with the intercultural couples in my circle (basically everyone) is that the ones who grew up more Western European often have trouble adjusting to how close their SO’s family members are. The family is involved with every little decision. Every holiday and every excuse there is to spend time together is put to use. You start to spend all your weekends at their house. You meet your SO’s cousin’s father’s stepbrother’s halfsister and are expected to remember all their names, their kids’ names, their pets’ names. Not fair, is it? When all your SO has to do is show up to the annual Christmas dinner and not get too drunk. Just a lil’ bit is OK though. My advice? Deal with it for a while. Once you’ve met everyone I’m sure you can talk to your SO about toning it down a little bit so that you have a little bit of time left on your weekends to hang out with your friends. If they still remember you.

These are the most glaring examples of issues I’ve seen in intercultural couples. How about you? Any issues you want advice on? Or do you just want to vent? You can totally do that. Right here. Anonymously if need be. I gotchu.