We live in a digital era. We can find any- and everything we want (and don’t want) to know within seconds. This includes finding out all we can about the people we date. But has this taken the excitement and mystery out of dating?
Think about it. If you’ve already found out most of the things you’d normally discuss on a first date (or: the first time you “hang out”, whichever you prefer), then what’s there left to talk about? The only thing that’ll be on your mind all night is how to not let this person notice that you cyberstalked them the entire week leading up to your meetup.
Mystery is still important if you already know somebody and/or hung out a couple of times. Look, I enjoy “goodmorning” texts as much as the next girl. The occasional phone call is really, really nice. However, there’s no need to check up on me and what I’m doing throughout the day. If the conversation doesn’t flow naturally, don’t force it.
Leaving an exhausting meeting at work to find 1 or 2 messages from the person you’re seeing is cute. 34 messages, 4 missed calls and 2 voicemail messages, however, is too much.
Here’s a little rule one of my troublemaker friends upholds: phones are for practical purposes only. You wanna talk? Get to know someone? Use your phone to set up a little date. Text when you have something relevant to say. And apparently that works for him. But again, and I can’t stress this enough: don’t force it.
I’m in no way promoting playing games. That’s not something I’m into, want to get into, or have the patience for to be honest. I don’t count how many texts were sent and received. But all of this really is basic psychology and is closely linked to our previous discussion on codependency, remember that? Don’t put so much stress on this other person, give everybody involved a little breathing space, let the effort be equal.
Look, there’s nothing wrong with letting somebody know you’re interested. Hell, I encourage it. But leave a little mystery. You need to give somebody a chance to miss you, OK? Especially in the beginning. And you know what? If they don’t, they’re not for you. That’s cool too. On to the next.