I see it around me all the time. People are so used to being the victim, they don’t want to get out of that role. They don’t want things to get better. They say they do, but they don’t. Here’s what I mean and where that comes from.
Humans are creatures of habit. Some of us are more adventurous than others, but at the end of the day, we all look for something that feels comfortable, that feels like home, to come back to. Whether it’s a physical place, certain people or a habit, it all boils down to how something makes us feel.
Which leads me to the following. We all know at least one person who can’t quite seem to get their shit together, huh? Every time we talk to them they have new complaints about the same problems that they just won’t address. And they’re not frivolous problems either. These are things that negatively affect their quality of life, but can also be easily improved (I use the term “easily” more to indicate that starting an improvement process only takes a relatively small step, not that the entire process will always be easy). They’ll tell you their story, sigh and exclaim “I just don’t know what to do about this anymore,” but they also have a shitton of excuses ready for whenever somebody dares make a suggestion on how things could change for the better. These people. These are the ones that always go back to a certain feeling in order to feel at ease. They just like feeling like the victim. Why, you ask? Good question.
There are a couple of reasons why people choose to play the victim. And they’re hardly ever good. A selection:
- controlling or influencing other people’s thoughts, feelings and actions;
- justifying their abuse of others;
- seeking attention;
- a coping mechanism.
So how do you deal with such a person? There’s various things you can do. One is, you can emphasize the character traits that you do like about them. The non-manipulative/abusive parts. Their sweet side. A more risky approach is to try and confront them about their behavior. Keep in mind though that they’ll often won’t want to hear about it and it might result in them trying to gaslight you and crawling even deeper into that role of victim. If all else fails, save your own sanity and just back away.