Hang on to your hats, boys. I’m going to show you a glimpse of what women really talk about when we get together and discuss YOU GUYS. I might turn this into a series. And the first insight into The Playbook: the full process you go through when you’re (kinda) dating a woman will be discussed here.
Contender
You’re on the radar. To what extent, you’re not sure. You’re probably “just talking” or whatever. What’s being discussed about you? Probably whether or not our girls think you’re worth us spending our valuable battery life on. We don’t know your name at this point. We probably haven’t even seen a picture. You might be “dude from the bar” or “guy from the supermarket”, but that’s all we got.
Working Title
Oh hey now. We’ve been shown a picture. We may or may not know your name, but either way we won’t use it. You, sir, have a working title. Working titles more often than not don’t make sense to those who aren’t in on it. They could refer to that drink you had in your hand when you met at the bar. They could refer to a physical feature. Maybe something as vague as something you remind one of us of. I’d give you some examples of working titles my girls and I have used in the past, but I don’t wanna have to deal with people’s guessing games.
Some of you may never make it beyond this point, yet remain in the woman in question’s life. Please understand this part: if she says she’s not ready for a relationship, or doesn’t want a relationship, she does not see you as relationship material. You may be good at ~other things~, which may be why she keeps you around. But you will not progress beyond this point. Read the remaining sections, and if it’s been a couple of months and you don’t recognize yourself in it, you’re officially a booty call.
Probation
Ahh, y’all dating-dating now. She’s bringing you around to see us. And make no mistake, you’re definitely being vetted. We’re checking to see how you treat our girl. How you look at her. How you act in general. Your every move is being watched and judged. No pressure. But you’re definitely not in the safe zone yet.
The upside? If we like you, we will advocate for you. She might even still be on the fence about you, but one of us will totally be cheering her on and encouraging her to give you a go. I mean: to give a fair chance.
If we don’t like you, we will not make a secret out of it. This is where we show our girls some tough love and tell her alllllll about the red flags we noticed that she may have missed or ignored, and will tell her to run far and run fast.
Title
You made it. You’re officially The Boyfriend. And you know what? As long as you’re good to our girl, we’ll love you like a brother. Just don’t fuck up. Because if you do fuck up, well…
New Name
…we’ll give you a new name based on how you fucked up. If bringing up how you fucked up is just too painful, your new name is something derogatory, embarrassing and would probably hurt your feelings if you ever heard it. I’d give you guys an example, but I don’t want any mutual friends texting me “Is that what you call whatshisface these days?!?” I’m sure you can understand. *cough*three-stroke-Joe*cough*
This has been your first glimpse into the Playbook. What else would you like to know, but have always been afraid to ask?